The Difference Journal Day 3; Warning Warning

The last two weeks have been tough. It's like I put myself on  replay from 5 years ago. I couldn't see anything crazy that had happened to trigger this strange relapse, it just seemed to show up out of no-where. After two weeks of this out of control behavior, I finally seemed to come out of the stupor, shake my head and realize what was happening.
As I got to thinking and praying about it, I was able to see what might have happened. A few months back I had taken on several new challenges in my life. At first they all seemed fine. These are things am passionate about, however they require more time and effort.

 

I had grown tired as the weeks went by and old habits jumped on the opportunity as soon as my guard was down.

It didn't happen all at once, it was  slow progression of allowances. My routine was changed and I wasn't finding time to spend with God, so I was making choices on my own. I had also stopped exercising, so my emotions were down as well.

I needed to hit reset

On the good side, this is the first time in three years that I haven't freaked out and started a new diet, or bought ten new books on debt reduction. It may seem like a relapse at first glance, but it's actually a cause of celebration. God is making changes from the inside out. I'm not starting over, I'm affirming what I know; I can't do this alone.

Hope

 

The Difference Journal Day 2: Fasting Problems

catholicjokesandcomics.com

For years I was intrigued by, and obsessed with fasting. I would quiz people who had been able to accomplish multiple days, and plan my own adventures with the practice.  I would buy or make the special juices, and carefully plan my days of enlightenment. True to form however, the planning phase days, were my best days. I would talk people into these long 10 day fasts, finish two, find a reason to stop, and morosely observe as they finish the entire fast. This went on for a number of years. I never made it past two days, even with the special juice.
 

Of course the problem was in my head; my head is a favorite place for problems to hang out, and party.

 
"They" say; its all a matter of motivation. "They" say; If you wanted it bad enough you would: lose the weight, save the money, or stop doing whatever behavior is plaguing you. This was true for me. My goal had been to lose weight, even though I tried to pretend I was fasting from some higher spiritual cause or to get closer to God. I really just wanted to fit into smaller jeans. The pain of hunger wasn't worth the price. I can honestly say after years of saying " I'll start again tomorrow", I stopped, and my thinking has shifted. My goal now is to not allow anything other than the Holy Spirit to have that much control of my head and heart, including how to lose weight. The fasting, or weight loss had become the idol.

Now fasting is habit I am forming between hunger pains.

Fasting is still my goal, but now I "sprint fast", from one hunger pain to the next. The reason I fast now is to learn to not think about food unless I need to be eating. When I do eat, I try to eat I try to be smart about my choices. I am learning to walk with the Holy Spirit from hunger to hunger. It sounds easy, but it's tougher than you think. Food and eating, or not eating, had taken God's place in my life. I am learning to eat only enough to not be hungry and then sprint fast again. As I fast I remind myself that food was never a great "god", it betrayed me every time. God gave me food because He is good, I am putting them both back in their rightful places.

#onechoiceatatime #walkwiththespirit #thedifference
 
 
Hope

The Difference Journals: Retreat

This week I am looking forward to taking a solitude retreat. I am going to a place that has no electronics, a beautiful path near a river, and a warm spring in the woods. I am taking old photos, some passages of scripture I want to memorize and a journal. My hope for this retreat is to remember what God has done in my life, and to move closer to understanding what it means to walk with him in full submission of my will to His.

Solitude is difficult for me

I get wrestles and bored.

 In order to hear Gods voice I need to practice working through the uncomfortable anxiety of doing nothing. I will work through staying in moments with God and allow Him to renew my thinking. I don't expect to come back a new person. I do want to get past the habits that continue to catch me off guard and sabotage me. I won't resort to quick fixes, I will continue down the long road of a transformed life.  I hope to come back with a better recognition of His voice in my life, and to more constantly trust Him with my emotions; to live like the new person He has freed me to be.

Hope

What's The Difference?

The cause of addictive behavior is a problem that drives people crazy. They are desperate to figure out what makes them do things they know are destroying their lives, keeps them prisoner and taints their lives with shame. They run to books, counselors and spend lonely hours in tears, and anger. We love to hate our addictions, we want them gone, but at the same time, at our disposal should we need them.  Money, food,  substances, electronic devices, or any number of other things that give us temporary fixes to our emotional imbalances, have become the central focus of our lives. If we aren't indulging in them we are fixated on how to stop indulging in them. Either way they have our undivided attention. Often they are softly playing in the background like a melody on a loop while we do other things, reminding us or calling us. The saddest part is that the relationships that might be the ticket start us on the road to  healing are often the casualties of these addictions. We hide away from God and others to get what we have come to believe we need. If we were to shift our focus, seek God and others, we would find the grip of those habits decrease as we learned to trust. When our affection and trust moves our desires will follow. We have had such a short term, quick result, mentality for so long, we have forgotten what freedom and calm feels like. What it is to wait on God. He offers us the peace, love and joy we crave;  but we have been to busy getting temporary relief, and seeking other answers to hear him.  What he offers is so foreign it's hard for us to trust it. We have been lied to and shamed. We are left with anxiety and loneliness in our desperation. Our  naivety and gullibility at Satan's quick fix solution has left us feeling that we can't trust out own minds. God offers us a peace so deep that it will permeate us down to the deepest level of our souls; Joy so real that it will flow over the banks of our lives and touch those around us, even in painful circumstances; He gives love that will never fail or leave us, beyond anything we could ever comprehend and that always acts on our behalf to give us to what is good.

He offers himself.

Its time to come of the Shadows; replace the lies and trust the truth. It's time to stop living two lives.

Let go, live honestly with God, yourself and others.

Seek the One who loves you and wants only good things for you.

Hope Wirta

Ephesians 3:17-19(NIV)

¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Romans 8:26-28 (NIV)

²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a] have been called according to his purpose.

One More Step

I spend a lot of days arguing with myself. Changing patterns in my thinking is difficult as I don't trust my own thinking in general. I know that my goal is not to focus on weight loss or saving money, thus making food and money the focus. I know that my goal is to focus on making one choice at a time as I walk with the Holy Spirit and learn to focus on each choice, not how I look or how much I have in the bank. In the end if I am making right choices one at a time, the weight, debt, words, relationships, and tasks will fall into place. HOWEVER: I find myself numerous times throughout the day comparing my body to others, making purchases I don't need, counting calories, worrying about things I can't control and saying thing without thinking. Those old tapes that having been running in my head for years on end just won't die.
If I continue to listen to them I know without question I will end up right where they got me before; Exhausted, defeated and feeling shamed.
I wonder sometimes how long it will take before the new tapes become the norm and I am happy to live without comparison, judgment or worry about what others think, in me and who God made me to be, once choice at a time.
Onward!

They might like you if.....

When I was in grade school I was not one of the "cool" kids. I was the skinny kid that had no clue, I
was a nerdy, crooked toothed girl with a  bushy not so straight, homecut  pixie. It was a miserable time in my life. What made it worse was that I was at a private school, in a very small class of kids, 12 to be exact. Among the girls there were a couple that felt sorry for me and were nice, a bully and a snob. The snob decided it was her responsibility to be my "friend" and give me a list of things I could do to be liked. Really she just wanted me to model myself after her. One day I came to school with a new skirt on, this was very special as we did not have much money. I really loved this skirt, it was long and flowey with large flowers in various colors all around it. Her eagle eyes saw the new garment and prompted her to bee line over and make sure I knew that this new piece of clothing did not change my status. She proceeded to inform me that it was in fact a pretty skirt and if she were wearing all the other girls would like it, its to bad it was wasted on someone like me. She was a lovely person.
I eventually grew up and figured things out. I got a job, figured out my own style, and grew into myself, leaving her comments in the past where they belonged. What's crazy is that I carried a different kind of burden into adulthood. I allowed Christians with opinions on what I needed to do to if I wanted to be acceptable to God; as a woman, wife, mother and a friend, to weigh me down, steal my joy and alienate me from a relationship and community that God intended to give me freedom and joy.
It's as if they saw me wearing the freedom of redemption and felt that it was wasted on someone like me. They wanted to hand me a list of things I needed to in order to be acceptable and look more like them.
Satan is sneaky, cruel and mean. His goal is to destroy our churches from the inside, and keep us hurt, alone, and confused.
Our churches are no different than my sixth grade school yard. The cool kids, the nice kids, the nerds, the emotionally needy, the bullies and the wounded all sit side by side every Sunday morning. The bullies just like "my friend" love to share with others what they need to do to be acceptable, not only to each other but to God. They have decided that it is their personal job to share the "truth" as they see it with all those around them. They have deputized themselves on God's behalf, and unleashed themselves
on the church.
We need to protect each other, declare the truth and like the woman at the well declare "I met a man who told me everything I ever did, come and meet the Messiah". We need to serve each other in humility, knowing that none of us are able to rescue ourselves.

Romans 7:24-25New International Version (NIV)
²⁴ What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

“But God, who is rich in mercy, because of the great love He had for us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, brought us to life with Christ (by grace you have been saved), raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavens in Christ Jesus,that in the ages to come He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus.” (Ephesians 2:4-7)

“Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'” (John 14:6)

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from you; it is the gift of God; it is not from works, so no one may boast. For we are his handiwork, created in Christ Jesus for the good works that God has prepared in advance, that we should live in them.” (Ephesians 2:8-10)

lovemybible.com

Mary, Martha, The Slob Sisters and Me

Our first year as a family

When my kids were young things were busy. I had chosen to homeschool my kids, but my reasons

were purely selfish. I just really liked hanging out and playing with them, they. Even now as they are all grown, that is still true.
We had a combined family and it felt like the best way to get to know each other was to be together, so we chose to homeschool for several years. Between school, cooking and sports life kept us hopping. My house was not the cleanest, and the laundry didn't always get done, but we had a lot of fun. I often felt guilty about my lack of domestic interest, until I found a book written by two sisters, Peggy Young and Pam Jones. They called themselves the slob sisters. They were a pair of easily distracted, fun loving, mothers, that had a hard time keeping the house in order. Their book outlined a system to help those of us that felt we fell short of good housekeeping standards. The book itself had some great ideas, but what really helped me was just knowing I wasn't alone, and that there were enough of us to write a book about it.


Christmas Morning 20 years later

So much of our lives are lived comparing ourselves to others, as mothers, wives, Christians, professionals, women and friends. We say we want to be known, but we hide who we are out of fear of not measuring it up. Sometimes we just need to hear Jesus say; put it all down and sit at my feet. You please me as you are, nothing else is required.
I haven't really changed over the years, my kids are all grown, but my house still has a layer of dust.
 I'll get around to it, right after I finish this blog.
When Jesus used teachable moments He wanted us to search our motives. I can't say that my lack of domestic desire was spiritual. That would be nice, but it would also be a lie. I like to play, be with people and do the things I am passionate about. I have since learn that I have to do my housework before I can go out to play. I still don't like it.

 As Mary sat at the feet of Jesus mesmerized by His teaching, she barely noticed her sister rushing around. Martha on the other hand showed her adoration for the master by making sure everything was just right. She didn't understand how her sister could be so lazy and rude. When she complained to the Teacher, fully expecting his support, His words surprised her.
Luke 10:38-43 Martha, Martha you are worried and distracted about many things, but few things are needed
Wow, when you try and try to do everything right as a mother and a parent those verses can almost feel like a punch in the gut. Then once you have recovered and because you are a perfectionist you begin to feel guilty because you do so much. Why aren't you more like Mary, so you write on your checklist BE MORE LIKE MARY. It's a vicious cycle of do this, no do this, be like this, no like that.......
I don't think Jesus words to Martha were meant to be a reprimand or to induce guilt, Jesus wanted Martha to stop and think. Martha was judging Mary, and working to please Jesus. All he was trying to tell her was that She already pleased Him, no more was needed.
 If our lives are full of worry, anxiety, stress, and crushing guilt because we aren't "doing" enough, we aren't' hearing His voice.
Jesus did not love Mary more than Martha. He loved Martha, just as she was, that was His message. What He did reprimand was that she judged her sister. In verse 42 he says
 ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one.^[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
 Jesus did not need or want Martha's service in the way she was offering it, He wanted her, nothing else was needed. Mary chose to risk not serving in a society that place high importance on women serving. She was rewarded for her choice.
How often do we try to show Jesus we love Him, or gain his approval by our works, not understanding that what is needed is for us to sit and abide in Him. How often do we judge our sisters in Christ by a standard that was put on us by the world around us, hurting relationships and pushing others away.

John 15:4-5New  ⁴ Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
Remember sister: Few things are needed, Abide in Him.

Waking Away from Normal

One year ago I made a decision. I had finally had enough. I was never going to count calories, carbs or points again. I wasn't going to read one more book with 5,7 or 10 steps to success, how to break habits or the break through new system to changing my mind. There had to be another way to live and I was on a mission to find it.
It has been a long and very interesting year, and the quest is not over yer. As I have worked on and rewritten the book on this Journey, I have 5 things I discovered along the way that I would like to share.

1. When you go on a journey make sure and pack a flashlight, things will pop out of the dark and surprise you:
I had no idea when I started out that my real addiction was not food and spending, it was planning the diets and budgets. Going to the store and buying all the ingredients for cabbage soup or Atkins, and buying budget journals. The lack of structure that came with freedom gave me incredible anxiety. I never expected freedom to be terrifying. It took weeks and constant awareness to force myself to not go back on a diet or budget plan.
2.When you stop planning you stop obsessing:
I was sure that the minute I stopped dieting I would gain 100's of pound, not true! As a matter of fact once I settled in, I was able to put the scale away and live happily and comfortably in my clothes. I could focus on hunger and portions without counting....anything. People I never noticed suddenly appeared at my table and conversation and laughter became the focus instead of food!!! AHA!
3. Fasting can be done one hour at a time:
As God and I became better acquainted I learned to check in with Him more frequently. He taught me that I can focus on Him when I am tempted to eat or spend. I am learning to make choices as they appear by remembering who I am, I am free and I get to choose. Will I follow the lead of the Holy Spirit or my old desires (who by the way would love to get me back under their control) I have learned to fast from eating and spending on hour at a time, there are no rules to how a person fasts, and its not a competition. It's just between me and Him.
4. I don't want to be a flea:
How we are raised and what we learn is so deeply embedded in our thinking that we are not even aware of its effects on our daily choices.  Much of our lives are lived on auto-pilot. I had watched the utube video of trained fleas and was blown away by the reality of our subconscious mind. I decided then and there to live on purpose. This year started with the realization that "it" wasn't working, If I wanted different results I needed to do things differently. It's not so easy.
Here is the link to the flea video if you are curious/
https://youtu.be/GlpjA-QgmQM
5. God is full of surprises:
When you choose to seek God, He shows up in a big way. In all my searching for answers I had looked in every book but His. I mean I knew verses, read my Bible and prayed, but I didn't really "search" for answers there to my daily habits and problems. Once I did, I realized that I had it all backwards.
Over the next 9 months God began to help my understand what it meant to Abide in Him, Walk with the Spirit and that His burden really is light. He was just waiting for me to stop (self-helping) and turn to Him.

Hope

http://www.stopspeating.com/stop-speating-the-book.html
http://www.stopspeating.com/
http://lovemybible.com

The Battle

There is an unsaid standard for everything, its begins the moment you say hello; from that moment on the person you with is deciding, what you mean by your tone of voice, do they like your hair?, what kind of a mood are you in?, will you be in or out of their close circle?, what kind of parent, spouse, social standing, political point of view, type A or B, religious or non?......the list goes on and on. We wish is wasn't true, but it is. Even the nicest person in the world is making decision and judgments based on the things they value.
Since we all enjoy being included, valued, approved of, liked and appreciated, it makes those moments even more important to us.
So the battle begins;
I say something,
you decide if you agree or disagree.
you reply based on your feelings and personality type (confrontational or passive)
I read your body language and tone and feel misunderstood.
I explain what I meant.
You feel defensive because I feel misunderstood, however
You smile when you answer so as not to sound argumentative, now you feel misunderstood.
The subject could be anything, but the battle to be known, included and understood goes on.
This is what makes it so difficult for us to go against the grain, and do things differently.
The world around us has a system for change, it's the way things are done.
The problem is; its not working. People are fighting to be rid of habits that have become the friend they so desperately need, that easy place we can go when we feel misunderstood.
We need an answer to both problems; how to change, and how to fill the void that sent us in search in the first place.
God's system is so dramatically different it seems simplistic; others wont understand, people will make fun of you, you will be often alone in your decision, but you will find everything you are looking for along with others a few new friends who had been searching as well, they may be a little quirky, but they get you.

Your Rod and Your Staff they Comfort Me

When I started this journey to Walk with the Spirit I was blissfully unaware of what it was really going to mean. I thought I was going to easily give up diets and budgets, and begin making good decision with the Holy Spirit by my side as we skipped on into the sunset, 20 pounds lighter and debt free.
The actual year that followed looked a little different than that.
God started me on a journey that made post it notes and diet plans obsolete. He turned on the light in my dark corners and showed me all the dusty self help books and philosophies covered with cobwebs and spiders. He helped me see how desperately I had been clinging to the hope that these easier man made philosophies would save me from my self destructive patterns of behavior that my life had been living and dying by. Diet plans and budgets were so were so much easier than freedom, I was terrified of the idea that my compulsive self was expected to make good decisions.The saddest part of all this was that a part of me wanted to run to those books and try one more time. He must have known my heart because then He handed me a match and asked me to trust Him.
Would I be willing to walk with His Spirit and not be afraid of failure as I learned to listen for His voice one decision at a time. To teach me what how to handle anxiety, sadness, joy and hurt without running away, to stay with Him and let Him walk me through the feelings.
I took the match.
What I didn't know was that I would have to go through this same process daily for the next 3 months, it was a lot like the movie GroundHog day, but I was Bill Murray and it was real.

In Psalm 23:4 Your Rod and you Staff they comfort me.
Just like a sheep wandering down the wrong path, He continues to gently (and not so gently) lead us in the right direction. We choose to follow his leading or wander off following other sheep that think they know a better way.

The Difference

We have all been there: laying in bed thinking about the habits in our lives that we want so badly to

change: from talking to much, overeating, procrastinating, bad tempers, smoking to getting in debt from overspending. The list of habits that negatively effect our lives could fill pages. We lie awake feeling overwhelmed, depressed, alone and scared. What if I can't change? What if everyone has finally given up on me? What if people find out how bad I really am?

We have read scores of books, spent hours and hundred of dollars on counselors, talked our friends, spouses and sometimes complete strangers to death with our desire to change, just to end up here again.

What really scares us is that this time we were so sure our plan would work; but before we knew what was evening happening we were right back in the same situation, not even knowing how we got there.

Take a moment and read these words with me:

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures

He leads me beside the quiet waters

He restores my soul

STOP

He restores me soul.....WHAT?

Is that really true? and if it is, how does it happen??

In a world where we have been conditioned to want quick change; magazines promise us that we will lose 10 pounds in a week, and credit card offers come in the mail by the pound, God's answers may feel intangible and exhausting, however the opposite is true.

God's answer is to abide in Him (period) no tricks, no gimmicks, no apple cider vinegar; just abide in Him.

In Matthew 15:1-5 Jesus tells us "Abide in me and I in you and you will bear much good fruit.....apart from me, you can do nothing"

Do we believe Him? and if we do, what does it look like in our every day lives.

That is the topic I want to explore over the next few days.

5 Things I Have Learned About Breaking Habits

colorclarity.com

5 Things I Understand Better

I have been on a journey to learn to live free from habits, diets, rigid rules, lies and other tyrants. I am learning to live one choice at a time, while discovering what makes me tick. My goal is to trust God and follow him, #oncechoiceatatime. Here are 5 things I understand that I did not understand when I started.

1. The 21 day rule about forming habits is a myth;

 Bad habits take 21 minutes to form and good habits take a lot longer than 21 days. I am learning that there does come a point where the good habits start to click into routine, but you have to keep going long enough to make them strong enough to overcome the old habit they are replacing.

2. Its Not Just About Habits;

At some point in the journey I began to understand that my bad habits reflected my attitude toward life, not just food, money or people. I realized that I was always thinking about how much I was allowed to have, spend or say and not waiting for the needs to present themselves.

 

3. You Can't Be Present While Obsessing;

If you spend your time thinking about what you can and can't eat, spend or say you miss a whole lot of life. If you continually call your mind back and focus on where you are, listen to those you are and think about what you are doing, the habit of obsessing will be stopped and the habit of being present will take it's place. You will also get the added bonus of contentment.

 

4. How Deeply Ingrained My Habits Are;

Your mind has been wired, programmed and embedded with instruction for years, how you react, speak, listen, move, and think, without you even being aware of most of it. God knows your mind and what needs to be changed. Instead of tying to figure it out, pray for God to renew your mind daily, leave it in His hands, and then follow His lead #onechoiceatatime, He won't let you down.

 

5. You Can Be Happy Now;

I used to always have my mind on big goals, somewhere in the future, that I never seemed to reach. It stole my joy and kept me from enjoying what God had for me now. My goals have changed, and they are much smaller. If my goal is only the choice in front of me: to listen and focus on what the person is saying, to be present, to wait for true hunger, to wait for a need to spend money, then I can celebrate each choice as I make it. I be filled with joy all day long as each victory is won. When I make wrong choices, that's alright. I make it right if I can, if I can't, the next choice is right around the corner.

A Chat With My Mom

My mom stopped by today to pick something up. She is 75 years old, and very pretty. She has battled

with weight her entire life. She was telling me that she needs to lose weight to have knee surgery.
As we talked it occurred to me that at 75 years old, she is still battling with diets, I was wishing I could crawl into her head and free her those repeating messages that cause her to feel like she is failing at something. She was told she needed to look a certain way at some point and the battle began; causing food to become the enemy and peoples approval the unattainable goal. Its the paradox that says I hate food, no I love food; your bad to love food, OK then I hate food. I know this because I have had to repeatedly delete these messages from my own mind.
I had made oatmeal cookie the day before and they were sitting on the counter. I casually said "have a cookie". She answered with the standard dieters answer "I better not". This began a very enlightening discussion. It gave me a lot to think about.
Here is how the interview went;
Mom; It doesn't matter how little I eat I can't lose weight.
Me: Mom, Gandhi was pretty thin, I don't think that is true.
Mom: giggles, well, what I mean is I just don't burn of the calories
Me: Mom, there are skinny people that can't do a push up, it's not exercise, it's snacking and binge meals.
Mom: Maybe, but you know, I when I was younger I lost weight with my sister, we lost over 100 pounds 2 times.
Me: That is amazing, what do you think happened that caused the weight to go up again?
Mom: Well, that's funny, every time we would lose it, we would think, WOW I AM FINALLY NORMAL, FINALLY I CAN EAT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!
Me: What does that mean?
Mom: You know, all the people around you that eat what they want and stay skinny. I really don't like those people.
Me: I know, you've told me that before, but that doesn't make them normal, they eat what is normal for them,. The difference is they just don't eat unless they are hungry. They have other things they battle with. There is no normal, no-one can eat more than they need without gaining weight. Its the Gandhi principle in reverse.
Mom:huh
Me: Do you think that binge eating is caused by dieting?
Mom: (with conviction) I know it is, every time I have a diet shake it's like I flip a switch that screams "I want to eat everything in sight"
Me: So when you lost all that weight what do you think would have worked to keep it off.
Mom: Well, we were obviously eating more than we needed for our metabolism.
Me: So, you wanted to eat what was right for someone else's metabolism.
Mom: I guess so
Me: How do you think you find what is right for your metabolism?
Mom: Well, if you are gaining weight, its to much.
Me: makes sense
Mom: Huh, it sounds so simple when you say it like that, interesting, I sure love you.
Me: I love you too.

Bread Basket

Tonight I went out to dinner with some clients from the bank and my boss. I felt pretty good about

my choices today. I was hungry when I arrived for dinner, and had looked at the menu before I left work so I was in pretty good shape to have a successful evening. Dinner went well, and I had my coffee, which is my form of dessert, I felt good. The waiter, however, after clearing our dishes left the bread basket for us to munch on while we chatted. I was no longer hungry, I had my coffee, but I kept looking at the bread.  For a full 10 minutes my mind had a full on conversation, while my mouth was talking with the people at the table. Then I had an aha moment. Up until now I had allowed myself to make these decision impulsively, which is why I often ended up starting over tomorrow....a lot! The only reason my mind was having that conversation was because I had left the option open. If the option was not open, and if I wanted to do things differently then this choice mattered. The discussion was over and I was free to return to the present. I decided that since I was full, and dinner was over. I want to break the habit of eating in between meals. Just because the bread was there didn't mean the meal continued. I was done. I picked up my coffee and enjoyed the conversation. One more choice down. On to tomorrow.

Well Baby

I was thinking about well baby check ups today. Your take your baby to the doctor and they check

the growth rate of your child and measure them on a chart; so that you can go home and post on Facebook that your child is in the 90th percentile on height and weight and right on target to be the most amazing person in the universe. In the first year of your babies life you do these check up sometimes monthly to be sure that your child is on track, or if lifestyle adjustments are needed to keep them on their presidential target.
What if we were to apply this to our own journey. I have a friend that started a new job and the stress of the new environment was causing her to feel out of sync. She would leave work feeling like she needed something....but was unsure of what something was; was it food, sleep, company, she was just hanging, wondering, unsettled.
As we discussed it we realized that it was the vulnerability of the new environment; new job, new people, new expectation, new routine....all the newness that was causing her anxiety. 
She decided to do a 2 hour check in with herself throughout the day. She set her alarm on her phone and every two hours she is doing a 5 minute self care moment; a glass of water, and a small object that she can hold in her hand while she remembers that she is alright, it might be a song, a verse, a saying, just something that says; I am alright, I can relax, breathe, I am loved and my best is good enough.

Paying the Price

I need an hour every day that I can spend on writing, exercising (stretching, core strength stuff), and
prayer. I know where that hour is, and I know how to access it, but I don't want to make the sacrifice. The hour that I need is the one right before the alarm is currently going off each day. It's just sitting there. I can have it any time I want, but the price is so high. I just don't want to shell out the dough. I love that last hour of sleep from 5 to 6, but I have to admit I just can't find it anywhere else for a better price. I have tried nighttime, but I'm just to wiped out from the day. I've tried lunch time but I get interrupted and it doesn't work. For a solid year I have been getting up at 2AM and resetting the alarm from 4:45 to 6AM. I have two choices give in or move forward. Tonight I am moving the place I set the alarm to break the cycle and remind myself that the payoff will be worth it. It's time. If I am going to reach my goals and move forward I am going have to pay the price and get out of bed. I just wanted someone to feel my pain. Thanks for listening.

How many minutes will that cost me?

If you want to know the calorie of any food you can quickly access it through thousands of websites.

fitnessblackandwhite
 

Some fast food places are actually placing them on the receipt, this sales technique eludes me. If you are already at a fast food place saving calories is probably not your top priority. If however you have walked in the doors they will make considerably less money by showing you "in black and white" why this was a mistake.
Within seconds of calculating your calories you can then go to any exercise website and calculate how many minutes you need to spin on a bike to delete the unwanted excess calories and end the day at the magic weight loss number needed. You may even lose weight with this daily math game, if you can keep in up for a few months. However, since you asked, in my opinion, this is not a winning strategy. You are training your mind to think about how many calories it CAN have in any given day, you are also getting use to more food than your body actually needs. It will continue to want the amount you have trained it to be used to even if you don't work out. These are two bad ways to change behavior. You want your mind and body to get used to living on less food. Making more food the reason you work out puts food smack dab in the center of your world. You have also trained your brain to expect food as a reward for working out.
I would challenge you to spend two weeks doing nothing more than stretching for 15 minutes a day, you could even play some relaxing music to end your day. Kill the cardio for two weeks. During this fast from the gym tune in to your body. Learn to recognize hunger and eat only what you need. Pay attention to the amount you actually don't need. Think about what real hunger feels like.
When you add exercise back in make your goal a stronger core, pain prevention, and a body that will take you into the future able to do whatever God has in store for you, weight loss will just be an added bonus.

Changing Direction

This book project began because I knew I was done with trying to control my spending and eating

with magazine methods that promised huge results in 5 days. I should not be surprised that God's plans and mine were different. I feel like God allowed me to start this project knowing that He was going to take it as an opportunity to show me what I had been missing  while I was busy blending shakes for breakfast. All my efforts at change up until then had been aimed at actions; I ate to much, talked to much, spent to much, interrupted people to much. My goals were to learn to listen, control impulse eating and spending and the urge to speak. There will always be something to change. Now as I sit and work on the book I realize I am no longer just writing about changes to my behavior, I am sharing the journey of a relationship. It's more than choices, it's trust. Have I ever really trusted that He knows what I need? It's more than goals, It's perspective. If I am His and He is mine and If I really am eternal, than everything changes. Short term weight loss and impulse buys lose their appeal, being judged by others holds very little weight. The voice that I listen for above the noise is the one I trust for the truth. His voice calms the fears that drive the habits, reassures the insecurities that needed the approval of others. Hearing His voice whisper in my ear to listen and not speak becomes the habit instead of interrupting. When others see my faults that's alright, I don't need to hide, humility reminds me that the journey's not over. I still have to make choices and  learning to walk with the Spirit of God, but it's more than that. Its an adventure that we share as we Journey home.

Just Stay Down

If you are old enough to know who Rocky is, than just saying the name has the them song playing in
your head. You can picture Rocky running up the stairs with his dog, sweat running down into his eyes from his head band, and then victoriously raising his arms over his head in triumph as he jumps in place inspiring the world to go for a run; but, what if we were to change the end of the story? What if the day of the big fight, as Stallone takes punch after punch, his eye bleeding and bruised, you watch as in slow motion he hits the mat, the crowd gasps and he says in that epic out of the side of your mouth way, "it's to hard, I quit, I just can't get up." His coach looks at him and say's "you're right, just stay down". He concedes defeat and loses the fight, doesn't get the girl, the bad guy wins and the credits scroll.

Not very inspirational, definitely not the epic movie so many love to quote and remember decades later. We want the bad guy to lose and the good guy to win. What happens when you are the bad guy? The bad guy that's been  created, by feeding those habits that try to beat us, and keep us down? The bad guy is there waiting in the ring and he's got that smug look on his face, just begging to be put in his place. The good guy is on the mat face down, and the battle rages within us. You're not alone, the coach is there, and He is the best coach for this fight. He's ready to lead you to victory, if you can trust once more.
 To all of us that are still in the ring, and are down on the mat just wanting to stay there, we've lost the will to fight, GET BACK UP, get that second win, anticipate his moves, strike fast and hard, you've got this, the bad habits don't win!
CUE THE VICTORY MUSIC!

5 Motives that Matter

5 Motives that Matter

1. Do you want to change the way you look, or change the way you look at yourself?
2.Do you want to change the way other people see you, or change the people you see?
3. Do you want to think about changing or change the way you think?
4. Do you want to start changing tomorrow or change all your tomorrows starting today?
5. Do you want God to be able to rely on you or do you want to rely on God?
Perspective make all the difference.

When walking away is winning

Aha moment!  I remember years ago when the Weigh Down diet became popular. I had some friends that immediately lost so much weight, you could literally see them melting.; After reading the book, and watching the videos I was so frustrated I had not lost a single pound. I would seek them out, desperate to figure out what the secret was,“how are you doing it?” My friends seemed confused by my question. They would tell me in a blasé kind of way,to  just submit, or to simply wait for hunger to eat and only eat what I need. Not to be sarcastic but, THANKS A LOT! I had never heard that before. My question wasn’t “can you quote me what the book say?"; my question was how you are making it work? I had literally been trying for 3 years to eat only what I needed, however my head, stomach and metabolism seemed to all disagree on just what that amount was. 10 years have gone by since then and I have worked through this question, wrestling to understand the power of my brain and emotions have over my desire to live in freedom; I am beginning to get some clarity. Some foods for me are much like alcohol for an alcoholic;once I start it is close to impossible for me to stop. It’s just not worth having that food in my life and fighting to stay away from it every day. For me it's like a credit card. If I have it I must use it. If it's gone, I don't think about it and make better choices. I talk a lot about not using diets to control things in your life; however, It’s not a diet for me to stay away from foods that are addictive for me, it’s smart! The term diet in my dictionary is a defined as a pre-prescribed way of eating that someone else writes to help you lose weight. I don't care who tries to call it a lifestyle choice; if it comes with a list of recipes and meal plans, it's a diet. You might think I'm splitting hears but the difference is the motive behind the change. Do I just want to lose weight, or do I want to live in freedom. My motive is not to cut out certain foods for a quick weight loss; it's to learn what triggers my compulsions and what doesn’t. When I stay away from the foods that are an addiction for me, I find myself much more easily waiting for my body to signal me it’s time to eat. I also find that I can keep my mind on the people I am with or the things I am doing and not obsessing over what’s left on my plate, or how many calories I have left today. The food is not longer the focus. The day may come that I am strong enough to add some of those things back into my life, but I am OK either way. Walking away in this case is winning.

Layers of Lies

I thought it was simple. When I started a journey to walk by the Spirit and end my years of spending and eating by turning my decisions over to God. I would simply remember to turn to God one choice at a time.  Why hasn't anyone every tried this before, it's revolutionary. Amazed at the wisdom of my years I began. However as I began to unweave the web of motivations that went into my daily decision I realized the process was going to be anything but simple. As Layer after layer gets peeled back to uncover the deception that has become our mindset, until we arrive at the true focus of our affections, to feed our desires, which by the way, I had thought was God. I would need to start at my deepest point of surrender, and painfully admit that I had wanted to be free of these habits for me, not because they effected my relationship with Him.  As the truth of God’s love and His desire for my freedom have become clear to me, the subtle lies that I had believed became as blatant as black on white. We have had them whispered in our ear for so long we adopted them without hesitation. The deceiver quietly croons; Give yourself a break, it's just one,People don’t change, who really cares about you or what you do, you deserve to have, you don’t deserve anything, that’s not fair, accept it that’s just the way you are, who are you really hurting?

Over and over we hear and see the messages until before you know it, we are quoting them like they’re the Bible itself.  Words of wisdom, television, movies, documentaries, talk shows, books and saying all jumbles together to become the code we live by and judge the world with. No wonder we feel lost and confused. Not that we shouldn't seek counsel and read books, but they should not become our source of truth, they should be guiding us to Him. Spending and Eating may have been the catalyst, but the decisions that brought me to a place of surrender are so much deeper. Walking with the spirit involves every word, every thought, every cent and every bite that consume my day. Although this sounds daunting and overwhelming, the truth is casting all my cares on Him has proven to be a process toward freedom from the worries of performing. The rules, diets, and standards of those around me are gone to be replaced by His spirit searching my motives one at a time.  

Missteps are a learning process that God uses to remind me of my need to rely on him, it's a process, a conversation and a dance between a loving parent and a grateful child.  It’s a matter of waiting on God in a society of judgment and instant gratification. Every choice, every hour, every day.

 

5 Reasons You Should Follow the Spirit and Ditch the Diet

1. Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 is clear that God cares and wants us to lay our burdens at His feet. If we turn to food or others things for comfort, we deprive ourselves and Him. We need Him and He desires a relationship with us, that will give us the peace and joy we seek.

2. When Jesus had finished speaking to the woman at the Well, his disciples brought Him food, as they had not eaten. The woman at the well had just found the Water of life, and had run to the village to share the Good News of Jesus with everyone she get to listen. Jesus is still in that moment when He answers the disciples and states "My work is to do the will of Him who sent me". Chew on that one!

3. Give us this day our daily bread. God provided the Israelites in the wilderness with manna daily, he told them not to stock up, he would provide again tomorrow. Jesus will give us what we need each day, each meal. If we take more than we need it becomes a burden, not a comfort.

4. Enough is as good as a feast. This is not in the Bible, however, it's a great point. If you have had enough, you have had enough. At some point you need to put down your fork, sooner is better than later.

5. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free John 8:32. The truth of God's love is not simple to grasp. Satan does all he can to keep us from the truth. When we do grasp it however, we can begin to let go of the substitutes that have come between us and freedom. Pray daily for God to lead you to the truth, so you can more easily spot the lies. Freedom is attainable.

Just Tell Me The Truth

I was at the store today and walked by the book isle. I saw 5 new diet books. Each on promising

 amazing results, to Shred, Melt and Walk off the unwanted pounds we carry.  Inside the cover of each book was a reason that this book was different than all the other books out there. Each book had an entire section of recipes in the back, and each book had a particular way for you to mix and match your food so that you could achieve the magic results that the front cover promised. So basically for $24.95 all your problems with weight will be over. What kills me is that if we had the self control to cook and live that way long term, WE WOULDN"T BE OVERWEIGHT! I am sure that just like me most of you can count, weigh foods, identify carbohydrates, and eat like a Mediterranean caveman in the zone. Information is not the problem. The problem is not managing food, its managing stress, friends, boredom, and all of the rest of the emotions and circumstances that I have learned to manage by using food, without using food.

I was recently reading The Bible and in John Chapter 16, where Jesus is preparing the disciples for His departure from earth to His Father in heaven. He explains to them about the function of the Holy Spirit that will come to help them when He is gone. In verse 13 He tells them that when the Spirit comes, He will guide them in all truth. The comfort in these words was that Jesus was not leaving them alone or without guidance. One of the most difficult things to do is to learn to rely on the Holy Spirit for answers. We want books to read, people we can dial, and other tangible things to fill the needs in our lives. Books, and people are all good things as long as they don't replace the Holy Spirit. I believe that one of the main reason diets don't achieve long term results, is because they distract us from the real problem with band aide answers. We don't need more information on how to calculate calories and carbs, we need books and mentors that teach us what it looks like to walk with the Holy Spirit day in a day out. Jesus sent Him to us to guide us in ALL truth, to comfort us, and to intercede on our behalf. That is the truth we should be seeking, and this is the solution we need to help us not turn to food when we are not hungry.

What if they don't like me?

tasteofcountry.com

Does God feel the same way about us that we feel about our kids? When my kids where little they
were in lots of plays. Coming from a drama background myself it was a lot of fun for me as a mom. My youngest child however suffered from crazy stage fright when she was younger. She would completely freeze on stage, which was sad because she had an amazing amount of talent. She could knock your socks off when she was the only other person in the room. Watching her get on stage and knowing how frightened she was, my heart would beat out of my chest. I wanted to project on her all the belief, hope, strength and love I could mentally fling at her from the audience. She worked through it and eventually learned to love being in plays. We may have even over done it with that one.
I have lately been struggling with many of the same doubts as I work on this book project and plan speaking engagements. I have been on stage many times, but always playing someone else, a character role, or comedy. My speaking up until now has been teaching the Bible. Telling my own struggles with food and money, is a whole new world. I feel like I have a bungee cord tied to my ankles as I look down from a bridge at the river below. Just like my daughter, I want turn to my Father and say "what if they don't like me?" I can hear Him say, I like you, and will be right here the whole time.
I am God's daughter stepping on to the stage sharing the story He gave me to share.

Giving Myslelf A Break

There are two ways to look at most things in life; challenges versus opportunities, positive versus negative, victim or overcomer......


mercatonet.com

Over the years when I have found myself with the credit card in my hand, the cake in my mouth or the words leaving my lips wondering (as chew the cake); How did I get here? I was going to stop doing.........I then proceed to beat myself up mentally for the rest of the evening, and in the process ruin whatever moments or interactions I could have shared with the people around me. Being impulsive was a part of me I hated. It never occurred to me that my impulsiveness was also something that made me more able to flex when things changed, or brought fun and life into my relationships.

I have changed my outlook on this.
I now look at impulsive thoughts as an opportunity to get to know myself and my thinking patters better. I can choose to change them, but only when I see them causing me to be out of balance. There are times they are a positive force for myself and others. I am learning to observe myself, and not throw the baby out with the bathwater. There are parts of me, I really like.
 I will see myself moving toward a potential moment and say to me "that's interesting, I wonder why you feel the pull towards that right now? Is this a time you need to (eat, spend or speak), or is this a time you need to (be still, listen or wait)? What could you do to change that habit and not have to deal with the negative consequences later?" By doing this I have found a number of small things I can do to change these behaviors at the place they start. I have also found out that by doing this I am able to enjoy myself and others more. Let's face it consequences and guilt are a total buzz kill.
The methods I have chosen as reminders for myself may sound quirky, but that's because I am quirky. I'm guessing you might be quirky, in your own way, as well. 
Here are some thing that are working for me;

• When I find myself not listening to the person in front of me, because I have something I want to say; I take a pen and make a small mark on my thumb, then I choose not to speak, unless there is a break in the conversation and I have thought through what and if I need to say anything at all. Throughout the conversation I count the marks on my thumb and feel great about the times I have been quiet and listened.
• When I feel the urge to grab a bite of food, but am not hungry; I play with the rings I am wearing and remind myself that I can sip a cup of tea. There will be food in the world when I am hungry  later, and it's not like I haven't tasted chocolate cupcakes before.
• When I am tempted to go spend money because I have some time to kill; I have a little rock in my car that says "stopspeating" on it. I play with the rock and remind myself that I will regret it later as I only carry cash and will need it for the rest of the week. Then I find a coffee shop instead where I can sit and make phone calls or return emails.
• For each reminder I have very specific words I repeat to myself. The baby Mantra's become a part of my thinking so habitually that I can feel the rock in my hand even when I don't have it with me.

These are things that work for me. You might choose a rubber band, playing with keys, chewing on a toothpick, or some other thing that works for you. Its the words you say in your head that will make the difference. Change your thinking, change you life!  Little by little my thoughts and habits are changing, one choice at a time.
Whenever you feel the process is moving to slow ask yourself; Where will you be next year at this time if you do nothing? Are you closer or further from your goal this year than you were last year?
As long as you are going forward, you are making progress.