A Chat With My Mom

My mom stopped by today to pick something up. She is 75 years old, and very pretty. She has battled

with weight her entire life. She was telling me that she needs to lose weight to have knee surgery.
As we talked it occurred to me that at 75 years old, she is still battling with diets, I was wishing I could crawl into her head and free her those repeating messages that cause her to feel like she is failing at something. She was told she needed to look a certain way at some point and the battle began; causing food to become the enemy and peoples approval the unattainable goal. Its the paradox that says I hate food, no I love food; your bad to love food, OK then I hate food. I know this because I have had to repeatedly delete these messages from my own mind.
I had made oatmeal cookie the day before and they were sitting on the counter. I casually said "have a cookie". She answered with the standard dieters answer "I better not". This began a very enlightening discussion. It gave me a lot to think about.
Here is how the interview went;
Mom; It doesn't matter how little I eat I can't lose weight.
Me: Mom, Gandhi was pretty thin, I don't think that is true.
Mom: giggles, well, what I mean is I just don't burn of the calories
Me: Mom, there are skinny people that can't do a push up, it's not exercise, it's snacking and binge meals.
Mom: Maybe, but you know, I when I was younger I lost weight with my sister, we lost over 100 pounds 2 times.
Me: That is amazing, what do you think happened that caused the weight to go up again?
Mom: Well, that's funny, every time we would lose it, we would think, WOW I AM FINALLY NORMAL, FINALLY I CAN EAT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!
Me: What does that mean?
Mom: You know, all the people around you that eat what they want and stay skinny. I really don't like those people.
Me: I know, you've told me that before, but that doesn't make them normal, they eat what is normal for them,. The difference is they just don't eat unless they are hungry. They have other things they battle with. There is no normal, no-one can eat more than they need without gaining weight. Its the Gandhi principle in reverse.
Mom:huh
Me: Do you think that binge eating is caused by dieting?
Mom: (with conviction) I know it is, every time I have a diet shake it's like I flip a switch that screams "I want to eat everything in sight"
Me: So when you lost all that weight what do you think would have worked to keep it off.
Mom: Well, we were obviously eating more than we needed for our metabolism.
Me: So, you wanted to eat what was right for someone else's metabolism.
Mom: I guess so
Me: How do you think you find what is right for your metabolism?
Mom: Well, if you are gaining weight, its to much.
Me: makes sense
Mom: Huh, it sounds so simple when you say it like that, interesting, I sure love you.
Me: I love you too.

Bread Basket

Tonight I went out to dinner with some clients from the bank and my boss. I felt pretty good about

my choices today. I was hungry when I arrived for dinner, and had looked at the menu before I left work so I was in pretty good shape to have a successful evening. Dinner went well, and I had my coffee, which is my form of dessert, I felt good. The waiter, however, after clearing our dishes left the bread basket for us to munch on while we chatted. I was no longer hungry, I had my coffee, but I kept looking at the bread.  For a full 10 minutes my mind had a full on conversation, while my mouth was talking with the people at the table. Then I had an aha moment. Up until now I had allowed myself to make these decision impulsively, which is why I often ended up starting over tomorrow....a lot! The only reason my mind was having that conversation was because I had left the option open. If the option was not open, and if I wanted to do things differently then this choice mattered. The discussion was over and I was free to return to the present. I decided that since I was full, and dinner was over. I want to break the habit of eating in between meals. Just because the bread was there didn't mean the meal continued. I was done. I picked up my coffee and enjoyed the conversation. One more choice down. On to tomorrow.

Well Baby

I was thinking about well baby check ups today. Your take your baby to the doctor and they check

the growth rate of your child and measure them on a chart; so that you can go home and post on Facebook that your child is in the 90th percentile on height and weight and right on target to be the most amazing person in the universe. In the first year of your babies life you do these check up sometimes monthly to be sure that your child is on track, or if lifestyle adjustments are needed to keep them on their presidential target.
What if we were to apply this to our own journey. I have a friend that started a new job and the stress of the new environment was causing her to feel out of sync. She would leave work feeling like she needed something....but was unsure of what something was; was it food, sleep, company, she was just hanging, wondering, unsettled.
As we discussed it we realized that it was the vulnerability of the new environment; new job, new people, new expectation, new routine....all the newness that was causing her anxiety. 
She decided to do a 2 hour check in with herself throughout the day. She set her alarm on her phone and every two hours she is doing a 5 minute self care moment; a glass of water, and a small object that she can hold in her hand while she remembers that she is alright, it might be a song, a verse, a saying, just something that says; I am alright, I can relax, breathe, I am loved and my best is good enough.

Paying the Price

I need an hour every day that I can spend on writing, exercising (stretching, core strength stuff), and
prayer. I know where that hour is, and I know how to access it, but I don't want to make the sacrifice. The hour that I need is the one right before the alarm is currently going off each day. It's just sitting there. I can have it any time I want, but the price is so high. I just don't want to shell out the dough. I love that last hour of sleep from 5 to 6, but I have to admit I just can't find it anywhere else for a better price. I have tried nighttime, but I'm just to wiped out from the day. I've tried lunch time but I get interrupted and it doesn't work. For a solid year I have been getting up at 2AM and resetting the alarm from 4:45 to 6AM. I have two choices give in or move forward. Tonight I am moving the place I set the alarm to break the cycle and remind myself that the payoff will be worth it. It's time. If I am going to reach my goals and move forward I am going have to pay the price and get out of bed. I just wanted someone to feel my pain. Thanks for listening.

How many minutes will that cost me?

If you want to know the calorie of any food you can quickly access it through thousands of websites.

fitnessblackandwhite
 

Some fast food places are actually placing them on the receipt, this sales technique eludes me. If you are already at a fast food place saving calories is probably not your top priority. If however you have walked in the doors they will make considerably less money by showing you "in black and white" why this was a mistake.
Within seconds of calculating your calories you can then go to any exercise website and calculate how many minutes you need to spin on a bike to delete the unwanted excess calories and end the day at the magic weight loss number needed. You may even lose weight with this daily math game, if you can keep in up for a few months. However, since you asked, in my opinion, this is not a winning strategy. You are training your mind to think about how many calories it CAN have in any given day, you are also getting use to more food than your body actually needs. It will continue to want the amount you have trained it to be used to even if you don't work out. These are two bad ways to change behavior. You want your mind and body to get used to living on less food. Making more food the reason you work out puts food smack dab in the center of your world. You have also trained your brain to expect food as a reward for working out.
I would challenge you to spend two weeks doing nothing more than stretching for 15 minutes a day, you could even play some relaxing music to end your day. Kill the cardio for two weeks. During this fast from the gym tune in to your body. Learn to recognize hunger and eat only what you need. Pay attention to the amount you actually don't need. Think about what real hunger feels like.
When you add exercise back in make your goal a stronger core, pain prevention, and a body that will take you into the future able to do whatever God has in store for you, weight loss will just be an added bonus.

Changing Direction

This book project began because I knew I was done with trying to control my spending and eating

with magazine methods that promised huge results in 5 days. I should not be surprised that God's plans and mine were different. I feel like God allowed me to start this project knowing that He was going to take it as an opportunity to show me what I had been missing  while I was busy blending shakes for breakfast. All my efforts at change up until then had been aimed at actions; I ate to much, talked to much, spent to much, interrupted people to much. My goals were to learn to listen, control impulse eating and spending and the urge to speak. There will always be something to change. Now as I sit and work on the book I realize I am no longer just writing about changes to my behavior, I am sharing the journey of a relationship. It's more than choices, it's trust. Have I ever really trusted that He knows what I need? It's more than goals, It's perspective. If I am His and He is mine and If I really am eternal, than everything changes. Short term weight loss and impulse buys lose their appeal, being judged by others holds very little weight. The voice that I listen for above the noise is the one I trust for the truth. His voice calms the fears that drive the habits, reassures the insecurities that needed the approval of others. Hearing His voice whisper in my ear to listen and not speak becomes the habit instead of interrupting. When others see my faults that's alright, I don't need to hide, humility reminds me that the journey's not over. I still have to make choices and  learning to walk with the Spirit of God, but it's more than that. Its an adventure that we share as we Journey home.

Just Stay Down

If you are old enough to know who Rocky is, than just saying the name has the them song playing in
your head. You can picture Rocky running up the stairs with his dog, sweat running down into his eyes from his head band, and then victoriously raising his arms over his head in triumph as he jumps in place inspiring the world to go for a run; but, what if we were to change the end of the story? What if the day of the big fight, as Stallone takes punch after punch, his eye bleeding and bruised, you watch as in slow motion he hits the mat, the crowd gasps and he says in that epic out of the side of your mouth way, "it's to hard, I quit, I just can't get up." His coach looks at him and say's "you're right, just stay down". He concedes defeat and loses the fight, doesn't get the girl, the bad guy wins and the credits scroll.

Not very inspirational, definitely not the epic movie so many love to quote and remember decades later. We want the bad guy to lose and the good guy to win. What happens when you are the bad guy? The bad guy that's been  created, by feeding those habits that try to beat us, and keep us down? The bad guy is there waiting in the ring and he's got that smug look on his face, just begging to be put in his place. The good guy is on the mat face down, and the battle rages within us. You're not alone, the coach is there, and He is the best coach for this fight. He's ready to lead you to victory, if you can trust once more.
 To all of us that are still in the ring, and are down on the mat just wanting to stay there, we've lost the will to fight, GET BACK UP, get that second win, anticipate his moves, strike fast and hard, you've got this, the bad habits don't win!
CUE THE VICTORY MUSIC!

5 Motives that Matter

5 Motives that Matter

1. Do you want to change the way you look, or change the way you look at yourself?
2.Do you want to change the way other people see you, or change the people you see?
3. Do you want to think about changing or change the way you think?
4. Do you want to start changing tomorrow or change all your tomorrows starting today?
5. Do you want God to be able to rely on you or do you want to rely on God?
Perspective make all the difference.

When walking away is winning

Aha moment!  I remember years ago when the Weigh Down diet became popular. I had some friends that immediately lost so much weight, you could literally see them melting.; After reading the book, and watching the videos I was so frustrated I had not lost a single pound. I would seek them out, desperate to figure out what the secret was,“how are you doing it?” My friends seemed confused by my question. They would tell me in a blasé kind of way,to  just submit, or to simply wait for hunger to eat and only eat what I need. Not to be sarcastic but, THANKS A LOT! I had never heard that before. My question wasn’t “can you quote me what the book say?"; my question was how you are making it work? I had literally been trying for 3 years to eat only what I needed, however my head, stomach and metabolism seemed to all disagree on just what that amount was. 10 years have gone by since then and I have worked through this question, wrestling to understand the power of my brain and emotions have over my desire to live in freedom; I am beginning to get some clarity. Some foods for me are much like alcohol for an alcoholic;once I start it is close to impossible for me to stop. It’s just not worth having that food in my life and fighting to stay away from it every day. For me it's like a credit card. If I have it I must use it. If it's gone, I don't think about it and make better choices. I talk a lot about not using diets to control things in your life; however, It’s not a diet for me to stay away from foods that are addictive for me, it’s smart! The term diet in my dictionary is a defined as a pre-prescribed way of eating that someone else writes to help you lose weight. I don't care who tries to call it a lifestyle choice; if it comes with a list of recipes and meal plans, it's a diet. You might think I'm splitting hears but the difference is the motive behind the change. Do I just want to lose weight, or do I want to live in freedom. My motive is not to cut out certain foods for a quick weight loss; it's to learn what triggers my compulsions and what doesn’t. When I stay away from the foods that are an addiction for me, I find myself much more easily waiting for my body to signal me it’s time to eat. I also find that I can keep my mind on the people I am with or the things I am doing and not obsessing over what’s left on my plate, or how many calories I have left today. The food is not longer the focus. The day may come that I am strong enough to add some of those things back into my life, but I am OK either way. Walking away in this case is winning.

Layers of Lies

I thought it was simple. When I started a journey to walk by the Spirit and end my years of spending and eating by turning my decisions over to God. I would simply remember to turn to God one choice at a time.  Why hasn't anyone every tried this before, it's revolutionary. Amazed at the wisdom of my years I began. However as I began to unweave the web of motivations that went into my daily decision I realized the process was going to be anything but simple. As Layer after layer gets peeled back to uncover the deception that has become our mindset, until we arrive at the true focus of our affections, to feed our desires, which by the way, I had thought was God. I would need to start at my deepest point of surrender, and painfully admit that I had wanted to be free of these habits for me, not because they effected my relationship with Him.  As the truth of God’s love and His desire for my freedom have become clear to me, the subtle lies that I had believed became as blatant as black on white. We have had them whispered in our ear for so long we adopted them without hesitation. The deceiver quietly croons; Give yourself a break, it's just one,People don’t change, who really cares about you or what you do, you deserve to have, you don’t deserve anything, that’s not fair, accept it that’s just the way you are, who are you really hurting?

Over and over we hear and see the messages until before you know it, we are quoting them like they’re the Bible itself.  Words of wisdom, television, movies, documentaries, talk shows, books and saying all jumbles together to become the code we live by and judge the world with. No wonder we feel lost and confused. Not that we shouldn't seek counsel and read books, but they should not become our source of truth, they should be guiding us to Him. Spending and Eating may have been the catalyst, but the decisions that brought me to a place of surrender are so much deeper. Walking with the spirit involves every word, every thought, every cent and every bite that consume my day. Although this sounds daunting and overwhelming, the truth is casting all my cares on Him has proven to be a process toward freedom from the worries of performing. The rules, diets, and standards of those around me are gone to be replaced by His spirit searching my motives one at a time.  

Missteps are a learning process that God uses to remind me of my need to rely on him, it's a process, a conversation and a dance between a loving parent and a grateful child.  It’s a matter of waiting on God in a society of judgment and instant gratification. Every choice, every hour, every day.

 

5 Reasons You Should Follow the Spirit and Ditch the Diet

1. Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 is clear that God cares and wants us to lay our burdens at His feet. If we turn to food or others things for comfort, we deprive ourselves and Him. We need Him and He desires a relationship with us, that will give us the peace and joy we seek.

2. When Jesus had finished speaking to the woman at the Well, his disciples brought Him food, as they had not eaten. The woman at the well had just found the Water of life, and had run to the village to share the Good News of Jesus with everyone she get to listen. Jesus is still in that moment when He answers the disciples and states "My work is to do the will of Him who sent me". Chew on that one!

3. Give us this day our daily bread. God provided the Israelites in the wilderness with manna daily, he told them not to stock up, he would provide again tomorrow. Jesus will give us what we need each day, each meal. If we take more than we need it becomes a burden, not a comfort.

4. Enough is as good as a feast. This is not in the Bible, however, it's a great point. If you have had enough, you have had enough. At some point you need to put down your fork, sooner is better than later.

5. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free John 8:32. The truth of God's love is not simple to grasp. Satan does all he can to keep us from the truth. When we do grasp it however, we can begin to let go of the substitutes that have come between us and freedom. Pray daily for God to lead you to the truth, so you can more easily spot the lies. Freedom is attainable.

Just Tell Me The Truth

I was at the store today and walked by the book isle. I saw 5 new diet books. Each on promising

 amazing results, to Shred, Melt and Walk off the unwanted pounds we carry.  Inside the cover of each book was a reason that this book was different than all the other books out there. Each book had an entire section of recipes in the back, and each book had a particular way for you to mix and match your food so that you could achieve the magic results that the front cover promised. So basically for $24.95 all your problems with weight will be over. What kills me is that if we had the self control to cook and live that way long term, WE WOULDN"T BE OVERWEIGHT! I am sure that just like me most of you can count, weigh foods, identify carbohydrates, and eat like a Mediterranean caveman in the zone. Information is not the problem. The problem is not managing food, its managing stress, friends, boredom, and all of the rest of the emotions and circumstances that I have learned to manage by using food, without using food.

I was recently reading The Bible and in John Chapter 16, where Jesus is preparing the disciples for His departure from earth to His Father in heaven. He explains to them about the function of the Holy Spirit that will come to help them when He is gone. In verse 13 He tells them that when the Spirit comes, He will guide them in all truth. The comfort in these words was that Jesus was not leaving them alone or without guidance. One of the most difficult things to do is to learn to rely on the Holy Spirit for answers. We want books to read, people we can dial, and other tangible things to fill the needs in our lives. Books, and people are all good things as long as they don't replace the Holy Spirit. I believe that one of the main reason diets don't achieve long term results, is because they distract us from the real problem with band aide answers. We don't need more information on how to calculate calories and carbs, we need books and mentors that teach us what it looks like to walk with the Holy Spirit day in a day out. Jesus sent Him to us to guide us in ALL truth, to comfort us, and to intercede on our behalf. That is the truth we should be seeking, and this is the solution we need to help us not turn to food when we are not hungry.

What if they don't like me?

tasteofcountry.com

Does God feel the same way about us that we feel about our kids? When my kids where little they
were in lots of plays. Coming from a drama background myself it was a lot of fun for me as a mom. My youngest child however suffered from crazy stage fright when she was younger. She would completely freeze on stage, which was sad because she had an amazing amount of talent. She could knock your socks off when she was the only other person in the room. Watching her get on stage and knowing how frightened she was, my heart would beat out of my chest. I wanted to project on her all the belief, hope, strength and love I could mentally fling at her from the audience. She worked through it and eventually learned to love being in plays. We may have even over done it with that one.
I have lately been struggling with many of the same doubts as I work on this book project and plan speaking engagements. I have been on stage many times, but always playing someone else, a character role, or comedy. My speaking up until now has been teaching the Bible. Telling my own struggles with food and money, is a whole new world. I feel like I have a bungee cord tied to my ankles as I look down from a bridge at the river below. Just like my daughter, I want turn to my Father and say "what if they don't like me?" I can hear Him say, I like you, and will be right here the whole time.
I am God's daughter stepping on to the stage sharing the story He gave me to share.

Giving Myslelf A Break

There are two ways to look at most things in life; challenges versus opportunities, positive versus negative, victim or overcomer......


mercatonet.com

Over the years when I have found myself with the credit card in my hand, the cake in my mouth or the words leaving my lips wondering (as chew the cake); How did I get here? I was going to stop doing.........I then proceed to beat myself up mentally for the rest of the evening, and in the process ruin whatever moments or interactions I could have shared with the people around me. Being impulsive was a part of me I hated. It never occurred to me that my impulsiveness was also something that made me more able to flex when things changed, or brought fun and life into my relationships.

I have changed my outlook on this.
I now look at impulsive thoughts as an opportunity to get to know myself and my thinking patters better. I can choose to change them, but only when I see them causing me to be out of balance. There are times they are a positive force for myself and others. I am learning to observe myself, and not throw the baby out with the bathwater. There are parts of me, I really like.
 I will see myself moving toward a potential moment and say to me "that's interesting, I wonder why you feel the pull towards that right now? Is this a time you need to (eat, spend or speak), or is this a time you need to (be still, listen or wait)? What could you do to change that habit and not have to deal with the negative consequences later?" By doing this I have found a number of small things I can do to change these behaviors at the place they start. I have also found out that by doing this I am able to enjoy myself and others more. Let's face it consequences and guilt are a total buzz kill.
The methods I have chosen as reminders for myself may sound quirky, but that's because I am quirky. I'm guessing you might be quirky, in your own way, as well. 
Here are some thing that are working for me;

• When I find myself not listening to the person in front of me, because I have something I want to say; I take a pen and make a small mark on my thumb, then I choose not to speak, unless there is a break in the conversation and I have thought through what and if I need to say anything at all. Throughout the conversation I count the marks on my thumb and feel great about the times I have been quiet and listened.
• When I feel the urge to grab a bite of food, but am not hungry; I play with the rings I am wearing and remind myself that I can sip a cup of tea. There will be food in the world when I am hungry  later, and it's not like I haven't tasted chocolate cupcakes before.
• When I am tempted to go spend money because I have some time to kill; I have a little rock in my car that says "stopspeating" on it. I play with the rock and remind myself that I will regret it later as I only carry cash and will need it for the rest of the week. Then I find a coffee shop instead where I can sit and make phone calls or return emails.
• For each reminder I have very specific words I repeat to myself. The baby Mantra's become a part of my thinking so habitually that I can feel the rock in my hand even when I don't have it with me.

These are things that work for me. You might choose a rubber band, playing with keys, chewing on a toothpick, or some other thing that works for you. Its the words you say in your head that will make the difference. Change your thinking, change you life!  Little by little my thoughts and habits are changing, one choice at a time.
Whenever you feel the process is moving to slow ask yourself; Where will you be next year at this time if you do nothing? Are you closer or further from your goal this year than you were last year?
As long as you are going forward, you are making progress.

What did Martha and Mary weigh?

There is a reason we don't know what the women in the Bible weighed. God made sure that the things that are in His word are the things we should be focusing on, and comparing our weight to others is not one of them. Weight is a symptom of a mind focused on the wrong things. If we want our minds renewed; If we want to live free from the scale the people around us ask us to stand on every day so they can decide if we are the right weight, than we need to replace the wrong thinking with right thinking. The Bible is the only source I have to know what matters to God. Jesus came to tell us what matters. These are the things we should be focused on. Here is what I know for sure;
People matter; love, encourage, be hospitable, forgive, serve, listen, hug, laugh and cry with them, go the extra mile, and ultimately, lay down you life.
God matters; glorify him, praise Him, keep his commandments (love God, love others), put Him first, be grateful for Him, walk, talk, be with, and follow him every moment you have breath. He came and gave us a window into the heart of the Father. He did not focus on what people ate, or what possession they had. He did say to one man "sell all you have, give it to the poor and follow me", He answered another by saying, "my food is to do the will of my Father". Maybe then instead of trying to stop focusing on food, I should be trying to focus on the things that matter to God. The rest will take care of itself.
find us on facebook; https://www.facebook.com/stopspeating

What Matters Most, or; The Ride

I started this book writing journey called "stop speating" with a 90 day challenge to stop flopping from diet to diet and budget to budget
.
 It was suppose to be a simple experiment. What I learned was so much more. 90 days turned into a year of exploring my deep attachment to methods, systems and plans. I had no idea how much of my life had been consumed by planning what I ate and spent. This realization rocked me to the core. As I listened to conversations, read articles and started paying attention, I realized I was not alone in this. It's like when you are pregnant and you suddenly realize how many pregnant people are suddenly all around you. This changed everything for me, as well as the direction of the book. My new journey was not to just stop the merry go round of diets and budgets, but to recreate who held the place in the center of my universe and make things right. God is so kind and gentle in the way he reminds us that He holds the keys to real change. Looking back over this past year as I have been working on the book, I have gained more than I ever expected, and it can't be measured in pounds or pennies. I am overcome with gratefulness.

Fighting Lies

getfitjess.com

Sometimes fighting lies is exhausting. Today I have set aside to work on the book. I get stuck because I feel "who am I to write a book about something that I struggle with every day". The lie is that we cant encourage others until we have arrived. Satan has been lying to us from day one. He relishes the chance to disrupt any relationship with the source of life. When I rest in peace, trusting my creator and walking in His Spirit, Satan loses the battle. The war rages on, but a battle is won, one choice at a time. We will struggle with something until the day we get home. All I am doing is sharing what I wish I had known 25 years ago. He has asked me to share, I will trust Him and share. I hope it encourages you as we journey together.

When Gummy Bears Fly

Last week you may remember I went out of town for work. I had purchased some of my favorite snacks and enjoyed them in moderation while I was there.

On the way home the next night however, I was facing a very boring 3 hour drive.

If I had been thinking I would have packed the left over snacks in the back of the car; I was not thinking however and I put the grocery bag full of all my favorite snacks in the passenger seat within arms reach.

As the time slowly ticked by I began to hear a voice. It was quiet at first, and it took me some time to identify who it was.  Then recognition hit me. I know you; You are the sweet, sugary, chewy, chocolate covered voice of my gummy bears in the grocery bag.

At first I ignored them. I wasn’t hungry and knew that if I started eating them in the car it would be all over.

As another hour went by the voice got louder and louder, “I’m right here, and I make a great road trip buddy!”

I caved in. At first I opened the back and took out 3 chocolate covered gummy bears, taking the time to slowly enjoy each one and being careful to close the bag against further invasions. After doing this for the fourth time, I had to admit to myself and my gummy friends that we could no longer ride in the car together.

Warning: the next part of the blog is not green friendly!

I rolled down the passenger window, tossed the bag, and watched as the gummy bears neatly flew into the trees on the side of the road. The rest of the ride home felt pretty dang good.