The Choice: Pain Series #3

I am the master at finding an easy way out. Or so I have told myself. I have spent many wasted hours looking for a way out of the pain I have chosen.
You might ask; what do you mean chosen? That's a great question.
I can remember the first book I read on delayed gratification. I watched the video of the four year old trying not to eat the marshmallow and thought...aha! I have finally found the key to fix me!

Only to realize that I was "the other" four year old.

Delayed gratification is painful.

So, I looked for another  way to get what I wanted without going through the pain. I read one quick fix book after another. I had many short successes followed jus ask quickly by shame, a feeling of failure and defeat.

Shame and defeat are painful.

These defeats would throw me into a guilt spiral and leave me in a pit with no way out, or so I wanted to believe. There was a way out, but it involved pain. Each time I avoided the truth, I prolonged the process.

This is the choice.

Delayed gratification is painful, however the alternative has pain as well.

Pain now or pain later. Brief joy now or lasting joy later. Do we listen to the lie that says we can have our success without pain? If we do we are making a choice.
Giving in to our wants and desires feels worth it until we have to pay the price, and the price is pain.
We choose either way.
We can blame circumstances, people and God, but the truth is when faced with pain we are also faced with a choice. When dealing with habits, both choices involve pain, and both choices involve reward. Both choices have lasting results. The choice is yours.
Jesus made a choice. His motivation was love. The pain of the cross paled in comparison to the pain of taking our sin upon himself and the anguish of being separated from His Father. He endured this pain for our sake. He showed us the way. His victory is ours, if we accept it. We don't have to experience the loss
of a relationship with God. This one time the price of pain was paid for us.
As we face smaller choices on a daily basis we can draw on the strength the Holy Spirit provides. We can choose to deny ourselves for a short time to find the lasting freedom from habits we long for.

Emotional Workout: Pain Series #2

I sat in the counselors office, twirling my hair around my finger (usually an indicator that she was challenging me to do something outside my chosen comfort level), I grew more and more agitated. She was pushing my limits.
As a rule, I tend to be a flitter. I have a lot of energy and don't like to be still to long, I move from person to person and thing to thing. I don't like to miss anything, so I keep moving exploring and indulging my impatience with life in general. I don't like to be cornered.

Boredom makes me grumpy.

On this day the counselor challenged me to go to the mall. At first I was thrilled!
Then she dropped the bomb. " I want you to go to the mall, find a chair and sit". "Sit and do what?" I asked. "Nothing", she replied. "Can I have a coffee?". "No, you can't have any kind of distraction." "Distraction from what?" "The tension of wanting to get away from the pain of being bored."
Then I understood.
She was putting me in a situation where I had to feel tension (discomfort), and not get away. She continued with her torturous plan, and said " I want you to sit there for one hour, no naps allowed". 
To me, this was painful. It was a  good pain that I needed to endure to mature.
Some pain needs to be faced for us to grow.
There are degrees of painful growth challenges. Each degree of pain, when conquered reaps and equal amount of reward.
As I learned to sit without distraction and get comfortable just being there, I learned to strengthen my contentment muscles. This then translated to quiet muscles, hunger
muscles, compassion muscles; You get picture.
Good pain is a door to growth. The Holy Spirit is our guide to these doors, and He provides the strength we need to face the pain and walk through.
The choice is ours. #onechoiceatatime

Pain is A Fork in the Road

I wanted to curl up and sleep at the base of the stairs. The thought of walking up two painful flights to get to the bedroom was gut wrenching. I had been a little to enthusiastic with my work out the day before, and now the price had to be paid. I tried going up sideways to give my thighs a break. When will I learn?
Pain and Fear are interesting bed mates.

Pain is like a road sign telling us to STOP and take notice. For example: A shy person is "afraid" to speak up. They prefer to stay unnoticed. When confronted by a situation that involves any type of spotlight, they feel FEAR! On the flipside, a person that loves the spotlight might be afraid of being left out or unliked. We all have fears. My fears may not make sense to you, but they are just as real.
When walking down life's road we are faced with a fear. Fear requires a choice.

Let's call the fear a snake.

I see the snake and feel fear. Why? because snakes can cause PAIN. Now I have to decided what to do based on the amount of pain involved. Is it a big snake or a small snake. Is it poisonous or safe? Is it close? Can I get around it?
Fight or Flight?
In the case of a poisonous snake, flight is a good and rational response. There is no benefit to fighting him.
In the case of a little ole garden snake, it all depends on how important your destination is.

Fear is based on Pain. The amount of fear is based on the amount of pain we perceive will be caused by the thing we fear.
Why does this matter? For me it is the obstacle that had kept me from victory over habits for 25 years.

I have been taught to avoid pain and discomfort of any kind. Because of this I  have jumped around and missed out on the benefits on the other side of perceived pain.

Fear of missing out on fun stops me from staying where I am and finishing the task in front of me. Fear of all cake disappearing from the world, and the mall burning down tomorrow, stops me from letting food or purchases pass me by. Fear of not telling my great story stops me from being a good listener. Fear of being bored pushes me to spend or eat when I am not hungry and don't need a thing. Fear of being a bad mother can cause me to be too permissive, or the opposite. Fear of being others judging me by my children can cause me to be a drill sergeant parent.
Fear of facing emotional or sometimes physical pain causes us to avoid, run, and even hide from good things in our lives. When faced with fear on our journey we have to choose. We have to decide how important our destination is.
This was Eve's fear in the garden. She was afraid of missing out on what the fruit had to offer. The perceived fear was a lie, and she lost it all.
For me the fear is the pain of thinking I can't change, a lie I have believed. Facing my failures can be painful. Hunger is pain, boredom is a kind of emotional pain, staying in the tension caused by this pain has been easily remedied with food and spending; and just like the day after a crazy workout I am paying the price. When will I learn.


Pain can be good and Pain can be bad. Good pain is like a door. The pain of a "sensible" workout can be the door to a stronger body. The pain of allowing hunger to guide your eating can be the door to weight loss. The pain of serving and loving people can open up to  relationships. It all depends on your motivation, and who you place your faith in.

The next series of blogs will camp on the subject of Fear and Pain. As we learn to embrace "good pain" and persevere we will find our fears were standing in the way of some beautiful scenery in our lives.

Hope Wirta

Motivation to Change

If you are looking for motivation to change Psalm 1 is a perfect kickstart.

For years I beat myself up for the choices I made.
Each night I would lie awake, going over the days series of bad choices, mentally beating myself up for my impulsiveness and lack of conviction, vowing that I would be the equivalent of a spiritual navy seal the next day. I would get in and out of bed, write down a strict new routine, go back to bed and lay there for hours, scared, alone, confused and deeply sad. My anguish was usually centered around the person I wanted to be. That person that could properly call herself a child of God, because her life was in line with her beliefs. She was so beautiful inside and out, yet always just out of my reach.
Two years ago, God began to change my heart.
I began to understand the limits of my own capabilities, and vastness of His.
As my understanding grew, I slowly stopped trying to change myself from the outside in, and began to allow God to change me from the inside out.
I also found that as God did the changing I became less judgmental of others.

When God does the changing, there is no pride involved. You are left with nothing but a grateful heart.

Here is what I have learned so far:

1. Changing from the outside in, or modifying your behavior, is NOT change.
2. Behavior modification by itself is exhausting, and often leaves you with a huge sense of guilt, when it is not coupled with grace.
3. When God does the change from the inside, the outward appearance can take a long time, and that's OK. You can trust that He will do the work, and it will the real change you could not accomplish on your own.
4. God's ways are not man's ways, therefore His method of change will also not be the same as mans method of change.
5. If you focus on God and try to make the right choices, by walking with the Spirit, He will give you the desires of your heart, in time! You are still modifying some behaviors, but the power to make those changes if coming from a entirely different source.

These verses have helped me as God is continuing the work in my own life.

They remind me to:
Delight in the Lord
                               (not in pounds lost, approval from people or a large bank account)
I am an eternal being
                              (my focus and choices should be on the things that are eternal)
Gods prescription for change is very simple
                             (delight, trust and abide in the Lord and meditate on His word)
There are not steps, methods, or counting calories, carbs or pennies involved. Your focus is singular: to know, love and trust Him more. He does the rest, and His is glorified

I hope these verses do the same for you.

In love and prayer for your journey,

Hope Wirta

Psalm 37

¹ Do not fret because of those who are evil
    or be envious of those who do wrong;
² for like the grass they will soon wither,
    like green plants they will soon die away.

³ Trust in the Lord and do good;
    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
⁴ Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

John 15:1-5

The Vine and the Branches

15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ² He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes^[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. ³ You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. ⁴ Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

Psalm 1

¹ Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,
² but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and who meditates on his law day and night.
³ That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
    whatever they do prospers.

Beleiving who I am

Today I was feeling defeated at the thought of the work ahead of me. Changing habits and doing the work to change can be emotionally exhausting.
Then I read 1 John 5:5

"Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God."

I had to ask myself the obvious question. Do I know who I am? Why is it so difficult for me to live like the conqueror God has stated that I am, in Him?

My conclusion: Satan doesn't want me to believe what God has said is true. Just like Eve in the garden, Satan wants me to question God and be defeated.

I am so grateful that God is renewing my mind and finishing the work He has stared in me (Philippians 1:6). Once more time I am putting myself in His capable hands, I believe, and I want to live like the conqueror that I am, in Him.

Hope

I Might Be a Brat

photo by mochadad.com

We look for peace, but hate to be bored. We want intimacy and friendship, but are afraid of being known and rejected. We want to be loved for who we are, but get easily irritated by others. We want to be appreciated, but don't appreciate who and what we have.
We don't make sense.
Yesterday, I got my feelings hurt. The person apologized, but I didn't like the apology. My mode of payback "silence", or one word answers the rest of the day, CLASSY! I think I made myself more miserable than the other person. The rest of my day was spent in a silent personal battle. My brain went into survival mode and looked for things to make me feel happy again, when all I really needed to do was forgive and move on. It took every ounce of strength I had not to pour my pity into chocolate.
Parenting myself is exhausting.
I am so grateful that God is patient and longsuffering, I can be a real brat sometimes.

My Biggest Struggle

My Biggest Struggle

I have no problem planning. I would go so far as to say I am a master planner: diets, budgets, projects, you name it. My problem is when the alarm goes off at 4AM and the room is cold, and I really don't feel motivated to put on my workout clothes. My problems is letting the warm carrot cake with the icing kind of melting on top pass by, and mentally telling myself "Ill start tomorrow, what's one more piece of cake after all?"

The funny thing about this is that I am totally the opposite at work. At work I am purposeful and on top of things. I think when I get home I just want to "NOT CARE", and relax. Relaxing has become an expensive and calorie heavy event!!

This is especially hard for me if I am angry, anxious,  upset or feeling sad. These are the times I mentally search for things that will pull me back up to "normal" i.e... a stroll through he mall or a personal food party.

So, here I am ready to change, but afraid of my track record.

For people that actually change there comes a moment when they cross over and decide that the pain and angst of change is worth it to have a different life.
This is my moment.
This blog will be my electronic diary of sorts.
I have two things that I am committed to changing.
1. I will not diet. I will stay away from my food magnets (sugars, breads, m&ms) but will not go on any conventional diets. I will learn to eat when I am hungry.
2. I will not use impulse shop. I will plan purchases and use money designated for that purchase.

I have a small dry erase board in my dressing room. Each day I end and feel like I have accomplished these two things I count forward. So far I have made it day 4 before allowing an impulse move to push me back to the dreaded number 1. However each time I go back to a 1
I learn something about myself to help me move forward.

Thank you for taking the journey with me,

Hope

The Ball and Chain or Freedom

The Ball and Chain or Freedom

Calories, Points, Cents, Steps, Seconds, and on and on, the things we count during a single day are infinite. It's no wonder we are anxiety ridden. 

I spent endless years of my life counting calories in and out, carbs, and points. I worried over every cent, word, and minute of exercise. The thing is, even though I hit the chosen target numerous times, you can't just work, arrive and rest. Once you arrive at your desired goal (or what those around you think your goals should be), you must work to stay there, worrying over every detail of your bites, cents and steps you take.

Once I had enough and it became clear to me that the goals that I had considered good, had taken God's place in my life I had to take a big risk. I had to consider: What if in my desire to control food, money and steps, I have become like a cat chasing a laser light, keeping me distracted from what God has for me. If that is true, the next logical question is, who is holding the laser and laughing at my antics to catch the moving target.

What if the anxiety of chasing the illusive "normal" has become a ball and chain weighing me down and keeping me hostage.

What if I were to make my new focus knowing and having a relationship with God and loving others? What if I put away the scale and stopped checking my budget. If I focused instead on subjecting what I spend and eat to God and being a good steward of what He has entrusted to me?

What if instead of letting people set the standard, I chose to God's standard and allowed Him to get me where he wants me, His way, in His time?

What if I could live in truth and it set me free?

It's just a thought.........