The Choice: Pain Series #3

I am the master at finding an easy way out. Or so I have told myself. I have spent many wasted hours looking for a way out of the pain I have chosen.
You might ask; what do you mean chosen? That's a great question.
I can remember the first book I read on delayed gratification. I watched the video of the four year old trying not to eat the marshmallow and thought...aha! I have finally found the key to fix me!

Only to realize that I was "the other" four year old.

Delayed gratification is painful.

So, I looked for another  way to get what I wanted without going through the pain. I read one quick fix book after another. I had many short successes followed jus ask quickly by shame, a feeling of failure and defeat.

Shame and defeat are painful.

These defeats would throw me into a guilt spiral and leave me in a pit with no way out, or so I wanted to believe. There was a way out, but it involved pain. Each time I avoided the truth, I prolonged the process.

This is the choice.

Delayed gratification is painful, however the alternative has pain as well.

Pain now or pain later. Brief joy now or lasting joy later. Do we listen to the lie that says we can have our success without pain? If we do we are making a choice.
Giving in to our wants and desires feels worth it until we have to pay the price, and the price is pain.
We choose either way.
We can blame circumstances, people and God, but the truth is when faced with pain we are also faced with a choice. When dealing with habits, both choices involve pain, and both choices involve reward. Both choices have lasting results. The choice is yours.
Jesus made a choice. His motivation was love. The pain of the cross paled in comparison to the pain of taking our sin upon himself and the anguish of being separated from His Father. He endured this pain for our sake. He showed us the way. His victory is ours, if we accept it. We don't have to experience the loss
of a relationship with God. This one time the price of pain was paid for us.
As we face smaller choices on a daily basis we can draw on the strength the Holy Spirit provides. We can choose to deny ourselves for a short time to find the lasting freedom from habits we long for.

Emotional Workout: Pain Series #2

I sat in the counselors office, twirling my hair around my finger (usually an indicator that she was challenging me to do something outside my chosen comfort level), I grew more and more agitated. She was pushing my limits.
As a rule, I tend to be a flitter. I have a lot of energy and don't like to be still to long, I move from person to person and thing to thing. I don't like to miss anything, so I keep moving exploring and indulging my impatience with life in general. I don't like to be cornered.

Boredom makes me grumpy.

On this day the counselor challenged me to go to the mall. At first I was thrilled!
Then she dropped the bomb. " I want you to go to the mall, find a chair and sit". "Sit and do what?" I asked. "Nothing", she replied. "Can I have a coffee?". "No, you can't have any kind of distraction." "Distraction from what?" "The tension of wanting to get away from the pain of being bored."
Then I understood.
She was putting me in a situation where I had to feel tension (discomfort), and not get away. She continued with her torturous plan, and said " I want you to sit there for one hour, no naps allowed". 
To me, this was painful. It was a  good pain that I needed to endure to mature.
Some pain needs to be faced for us to grow.
There are degrees of painful growth challenges. Each degree of pain, when conquered reaps and equal amount of reward.
As I learned to sit without distraction and get comfortable just being there, I learned to strengthen my contentment muscles. This then translated to quiet muscles, hunger
muscles, compassion muscles; You get picture.
Good pain is a door to growth. The Holy Spirit is our guide to these doors, and He provides the strength we need to face the pain and walk through.
The choice is ours. #onechoiceatatime

Pain is A Fork in the Road

I wanted to curl up and sleep at the base of the stairs. The thought of walking up two painful flights to get to the bedroom was gut wrenching. I had been a little to enthusiastic with my work out the day before, and now the price had to be paid. I tried going up sideways to give my thighs a break. When will I learn?
Pain and Fear are interesting bed mates.

Pain is like a road sign telling us to STOP and take notice. For example: A shy person is "afraid" to speak up. They prefer to stay unnoticed. When confronted by a situation that involves any type of spotlight, they feel FEAR! On the flipside, a person that loves the spotlight might be afraid of being left out or unliked. We all have fears. My fears may not make sense to you, but they are just as real.
When walking down life's road we are faced with a fear. Fear requires a choice.

Let's call the fear a snake.

I see the snake and feel fear. Why? because snakes can cause PAIN. Now I have to decided what to do based on the amount of pain involved. Is it a big snake or a small snake. Is it poisonous or safe? Is it close? Can I get around it?
Fight or Flight?
In the case of a poisonous snake, flight is a good and rational response. There is no benefit to fighting him.
In the case of a little ole garden snake, it all depends on how important your destination is.

Fear is based on Pain. The amount of fear is based on the amount of pain we perceive will be caused by the thing we fear.
Why does this matter? For me it is the obstacle that had kept me from victory over habits for 25 years.

I have been taught to avoid pain and discomfort of any kind. Because of this I  have jumped around and missed out on the benefits on the other side of perceived pain.

Fear of missing out on fun stops me from staying where I am and finishing the task in front of me. Fear of all cake disappearing from the world, and the mall burning down tomorrow, stops me from letting food or purchases pass me by. Fear of not telling my great story stops me from being a good listener. Fear of being bored pushes me to spend or eat when I am not hungry and don't need a thing. Fear of being a bad mother can cause me to be too permissive, or the opposite. Fear of being others judging me by my children can cause me to be a drill sergeant parent.
Fear of facing emotional or sometimes physical pain causes us to avoid, run, and even hide from good things in our lives. When faced with fear on our journey we have to choose. We have to decide how important our destination is.
This was Eve's fear in the garden. She was afraid of missing out on what the fruit had to offer. The perceived fear was a lie, and she lost it all.
For me the fear is the pain of thinking I can't change, a lie I have believed. Facing my failures can be painful. Hunger is pain, boredom is a kind of emotional pain, staying in the tension caused by this pain has been easily remedied with food and spending; and just like the day after a crazy workout I am paying the price. When will I learn.


Pain can be good and Pain can be bad. Good pain is like a door. The pain of a "sensible" workout can be the door to a stronger body. The pain of allowing hunger to guide your eating can be the door to weight loss. The pain of serving and loving people can open up to  relationships. It all depends on your motivation, and who you place your faith in.

The next series of blogs will camp on the subject of Fear and Pain. As we learn to embrace "good pain" and persevere we will find our fears were standing in the way of some beautiful scenery in our lives.

Hope Wirta