Beleiving who I am

Today I was feeling defeated at the thought of the work ahead of me. Changing habits and doing the work to change can be emotionally exhausting.
Then I read 1 John 5:5

"Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God."

I had to ask myself the obvious question. Do I know who I am? Why is it so difficult for me to live like the conqueror God has stated that I am, in Him?

My conclusion: Satan doesn't want me to believe what God has said is true. Just like Eve in the garden, Satan wants me to question God and be defeated.

I am so grateful that God is renewing my mind and finishing the work He has stared in me (Philippians 1:6). Once more time I am putting myself in His capable hands, I believe, and I want to live like the conqueror that I am, in Him.

Hope

I Might Be a Brat

photo by mochadad.com

We look for peace, but hate to be bored. We want intimacy and friendship, but are afraid of being known and rejected. We want to be loved for who we are, but get easily irritated by others. We want to be appreciated, but don't appreciate who and what we have.
We don't make sense.
Yesterday, I got my feelings hurt. The person apologized, but I didn't like the apology. My mode of payback "silence", or one word answers the rest of the day, CLASSY! I think I made myself more miserable than the other person. The rest of my day was spent in a silent personal battle. My brain went into survival mode and looked for things to make me feel happy again, when all I really needed to do was forgive and move on. It took every ounce of strength I had not to pour my pity into chocolate.
Parenting myself is exhausting.
I am so grateful that God is patient and longsuffering, I can be a real brat sometimes.

My Biggest Struggle

My Biggest Struggle

I have no problem planning. I would go so far as to say I am a master planner: diets, budgets, projects, you name it. My problem is when the alarm goes off at 4AM and the room is cold, and I really don't feel motivated to put on my workout clothes. My problems is letting the warm carrot cake with the icing kind of melting on top pass by, and mentally telling myself "Ill start tomorrow, what's one more piece of cake after all?"

The funny thing about this is that I am totally the opposite at work. At work I am purposeful and on top of things. I think when I get home I just want to "NOT CARE", and relax. Relaxing has become an expensive and calorie heavy event!!

This is especially hard for me if I am angry, anxious,  upset or feeling sad. These are the times I mentally search for things that will pull me back up to "normal" i.e... a stroll through he mall or a personal food party.

So, here I am ready to change, but afraid of my track record.

For people that actually change there comes a moment when they cross over and decide that the pain and angst of change is worth it to have a different life.
This is my moment.
This blog will be my electronic diary of sorts.
I have two things that I am committed to changing.
1. I will not diet. I will stay away from my food magnets (sugars, breads, m&ms) but will not go on any conventional diets. I will learn to eat when I am hungry.
2. I will not use impulse shop. I will plan purchases and use money designated for that purchase.

I have a small dry erase board in my dressing room. Each day I end and feel like I have accomplished these two things I count forward. So far I have made it day 4 before allowing an impulse move to push me back to the dreaded number 1. However each time I go back to a 1
I learn something about myself to help me move forward.

Thank you for taking the journey with me,

Hope