They might like you if.....

When I was in grade school I was not one of the "cool" kids. I was the skinny kid that had no clue, I
was a nerdy, crooked toothed girl with a  bushy not so straight, homecut  pixie. It was a miserable time in my life. What made it worse was that I was at a private school, in a very small class of kids, 12 to be exact. Among the girls there were a couple that felt sorry for me and were nice, a bully and a snob. The snob decided it was her responsibility to be my "friend" and give me a list of things I could do to be liked. Really she just wanted me to model myself after her. One day I came to school with a new skirt on, this was very special as we did not have much money. I really loved this skirt, it was long and flowey with large flowers in various colors all around it. Her eagle eyes saw the new garment and prompted her to bee line over and make sure I knew that this new piece of clothing did not change my status. She proceeded to inform me that it was in fact a pretty skirt and if she were wearing all the other girls would like it, its to bad it was wasted on someone like me. She was a lovely person.
I eventually grew up and figured things out. I got a job, figured out my own style, and grew into myself, leaving her comments in the past where they belonged. What's crazy is that I carried a different kind of burden into adulthood. I allowed Christians with opinions on what I needed to do to if I wanted to be acceptable to God; as a woman, wife, mother and a friend, to weigh me down, steal my joy and alienate me from a relationship and community that God intended to give me freedom and joy.
It's as if they saw me wearing the freedom of redemption and felt that it was wasted on someone like me. They wanted to hand me a list of things I needed to in order to be acceptable and look more like them.
Satan is sneaky, cruel and mean. His goal is to destroy our churches from the inside, and keep us hurt, alone, and confused.
Our churches are no different than my sixth grade school yard. The cool kids, the nice kids, the nerds, the emotionally needy, the bullies and the wounded all sit side by side every Sunday morning. The bullies just like "my friend" love to share with others what they need to do to be acceptable, not only to each other but to God. They have decided that it is their personal job to share the "truth" as they see it with all those around them. They have deputized themselves on God's behalf, and unleashed themselves
on the church.
We need to protect each other, declare the truth and like the woman at the well declare "I met a man who told me everything I ever did, come and meet the Messiah". We need to serve each other in humility, knowing that none of us are able to rescue ourselves.

Romans 7:24-25New International Version (NIV)
²⁴ What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

“But God, who is rich in mercy, because of the great love He had for us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, brought us to life with Christ (by grace you have been saved), raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavens in Christ Jesus,that in the ages to come He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus.” (Ephesians 2:4-7)

“Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'” (John 14:6)

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not from you; it is the gift of God; it is not from works, so no one may boast. For we are his handiwork, created in Christ Jesus for the good works that God has prepared in advance, that we should live in them.” (Ephesians 2:8-10)

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Mary, Martha, The Slob Sisters and Me

Our first year as a family

When my kids were young things were busy. I had chosen to homeschool my kids, but my reasons

were purely selfish. I just really liked hanging out and playing with them, they. Even now as they are all grown, that is still true.
We had a combined family and it felt like the best way to get to know each other was to be together, so we chose to homeschool for several years. Between school, cooking and sports life kept us hopping. My house was not the cleanest, and the laundry didn't always get done, but we had a lot of fun. I often felt guilty about my lack of domestic interest, until I found a book written by two sisters, Peggy Young and Pam Jones. They called themselves the slob sisters. They were a pair of easily distracted, fun loving, mothers, that had a hard time keeping the house in order. Their book outlined a system to help those of us that felt we fell short of good housekeeping standards. The book itself had some great ideas, but what really helped me was just knowing I wasn't alone, and that there were enough of us to write a book about it.


Christmas Morning 20 years later

So much of our lives are lived comparing ourselves to others, as mothers, wives, Christians, professionals, women and friends. We say we want to be known, but we hide who we are out of fear of not measuring it up. Sometimes we just need to hear Jesus say; put it all down and sit at my feet. You please me as you are, nothing else is required.
I haven't really changed over the years, my kids are all grown, but my house still has a layer of dust.
 I'll get around to it, right after I finish this blog.
When Jesus used teachable moments He wanted us to search our motives. I can't say that my lack of domestic desire was spiritual. That would be nice, but it would also be a lie. I like to play, be with people and do the things I am passionate about. I have since learn that I have to do my housework before I can go out to play. I still don't like it.

 As Mary sat at the feet of Jesus mesmerized by His teaching, she barely noticed her sister rushing around. Martha on the other hand showed her adoration for the master by making sure everything was just right. She didn't understand how her sister could be so lazy and rude. When she complained to the Teacher, fully expecting his support, His words surprised her.
Luke 10:38-43 Martha, Martha you are worried and distracted about many things, but few things are needed
Wow, when you try and try to do everything right as a mother and a parent those verses can almost feel like a punch in the gut. Then once you have recovered and because you are a perfectionist you begin to feel guilty because you do so much. Why aren't you more like Mary, so you write on your checklist BE MORE LIKE MARY. It's a vicious cycle of do this, no do this, be like this, no like that.......
I don't think Jesus words to Martha were meant to be a reprimand or to induce guilt, Jesus wanted Martha to stop and think. Martha was judging Mary, and working to please Jesus. All he was trying to tell her was that She already pleased Him, no more was needed.
 If our lives are full of worry, anxiety, stress, and crushing guilt because we aren't "doing" enough, we aren't' hearing His voice.
Jesus did not love Mary more than Martha. He loved Martha, just as she was, that was His message. What He did reprimand was that she judged her sister. In verse 42 he says
 ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one.^[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
 Jesus did not need or want Martha's service in the way she was offering it, He wanted her, nothing else was needed. Mary chose to risk not serving in a society that place high importance on women serving. She was rewarded for her choice.
How often do we try to show Jesus we love Him, or gain his approval by our works, not understanding that what is needed is for us to sit and abide in Him. How often do we judge our sisters in Christ by a standard that was put on us by the world around us, hurting relationships and pushing others away.

John 15:4-5New  ⁴ Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
Remember sister: Few things are needed, Abide in Him.

Waking Away from Normal

One year ago I made a decision. I had finally had enough. I was never going to count calories, carbs or points again. I wasn't going to read one more book with 5,7 or 10 steps to success, how to break habits or the break through new system to changing my mind. There had to be another way to live and I was on a mission to find it.
It has been a long and very interesting year, and the quest is not over yer. As I have worked on and rewritten the book on this Journey, I have 5 things I discovered along the way that I would like to share.

1. When you go on a journey make sure and pack a flashlight, things will pop out of the dark and surprise you:
I had no idea when I started out that my real addiction was not food and spending, it was planning the diets and budgets. Going to the store and buying all the ingredients for cabbage soup or Atkins, and buying budget journals. The lack of structure that came with freedom gave me incredible anxiety. I never expected freedom to be terrifying. It took weeks and constant awareness to force myself to not go back on a diet or budget plan.
2.When you stop planning you stop obsessing:
I was sure that the minute I stopped dieting I would gain 100's of pound, not true! As a matter of fact once I settled in, I was able to put the scale away and live happily and comfortably in my clothes. I could focus on hunger and portions without counting....anything. People I never noticed suddenly appeared at my table and conversation and laughter became the focus instead of food!!! AHA!
3. Fasting can be done one hour at a time:
As God and I became better acquainted I learned to check in with Him more frequently. He taught me that I can focus on Him when I am tempted to eat or spend. I am learning to make choices as they appear by remembering who I am, I am free and I get to choose. Will I follow the lead of the Holy Spirit or my old desires (who by the way would love to get me back under their control) I have learned to fast from eating and spending on hour at a time, there are no rules to how a person fasts, and its not a competition. It's just between me and Him.
4. I don't want to be a flea:
How we are raised and what we learn is so deeply embedded in our thinking that we are not even aware of its effects on our daily choices.  Much of our lives are lived on auto-pilot. I had watched the utube video of trained fleas and was blown away by the reality of our subconscious mind. I decided then and there to live on purpose. This year started with the realization that "it" wasn't working, If I wanted different results I needed to do things differently. It's not so easy.
Here is the link to the flea video if you are curious/
https://youtu.be/GlpjA-QgmQM
5. God is full of surprises:
When you choose to seek God, He shows up in a big way. In all my searching for answers I had looked in every book but His. I mean I knew verses, read my Bible and prayed, but I didn't really "search" for answers there to my daily habits and problems. Once I did, I realized that I had it all backwards.
Over the next 9 months God began to help my understand what it meant to Abide in Him, Walk with the Spirit and that His burden really is light. He was just waiting for me to stop (self-helping) and turn to Him.

Hope

http://www.stopspeating.com/stop-speating-the-book.html
http://www.stopspeating.com/
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The Battle

There is an unsaid standard for everything, its begins the moment you say hello; from that moment on the person you with is deciding, what you mean by your tone of voice, do they like your hair?, what kind of a mood are you in?, will you be in or out of their close circle?, what kind of parent, spouse, social standing, political point of view, type A or B, religious or non?......the list goes on and on. We wish is wasn't true, but it is. Even the nicest person in the world is making decision and judgments based on the things they value.
Since we all enjoy being included, valued, approved of, liked and appreciated, it makes those moments even more important to us.
So the battle begins;
I say something,
you decide if you agree or disagree.
you reply based on your feelings and personality type (confrontational or passive)
I read your body language and tone and feel misunderstood.
I explain what I meant.
You feel defensive because I feel misunderstood, however
You smile when you answer so as not to sound argumentative, now you feel misunderstood.
The subject could be anything, but the battle to be known, included and understood goes on.
This is what makes it so difficult for us to go against the grain, and do things differently.
The world around us has a system for change, it's the way things are done.
The problem is; its not working. People are fighting to be rid of habits that have become the friend they so desperately need, that easy place we can go when we feel misunderstood.
We need an answer to both problems; how to change, and how to fill the void that sent us in search in the first place.
God's system is so dramatically different it seems simplistic; others wont understand, people will make fun of you, you will be often alone in your decision, but you will find everything you are looking for along with others a few new friends who had been searching as well, they may be a little quirky, but they get you.