It's not you; It's me

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It's not you; It's me

Healthy relationships  encourage people to be the best versions of themselves. They don't try to force you to fill their every perceived need, they don't control you, badger you, call you every second to see where you are, or tempt you to do things that they know are bad for you. L

Love does what is best for you, even at it's own expense.

Based on this definition, I need to break up with Food. 

Food and I have been codependent for way to long. 

Food calls me, from wherever he is, asking me to find him and spend time with him. 

When I am hanging out with friends, he wants all of my attention. I can't even hear the people talking to me because he is calling my name.

We break up 3 times a month and then get back together again. He gets jealous when I try to live without him and calls me 6 times a day, even when I am working. 

The problem is every time I break up with him, he's all I think about. 

When I am with him he makes me feel so happy, but afterwards I always feel miserable about our time
together.
I tried going out with his friend "diet" a few times, but it was worse. He just wanted to keep my all to himself and would never let me hang out with any of my old friends. Everyone else was off limits.

If I am every going know the  freedom God intended for me I am going to have to walk away and grieve the loss of this lifelong relationship. I know I will want to go back, I know I will feel the loss for a long time. It will hit me most when I am lonely and bored, or at 2AM when I can't sleep, but I am ready to be free. I am ready to give my attention to things that matter. I am ready to think about someone else. 

 I'll make sure he knows, it's not you, it's me. We can still be friends.

There is someone else, if I am being honest. I have found a love that does not leave me feeling shame, and has sacrificed everything to be with me.

Hebrews 13:5b

Never will I leave you;
    never will I forsake you

Hope Wirta

Just One More Bite

Just One More

picture from: branlesstales.com

Just one more bite, a little something sweet after lunch, a pick me up at two in the afternoon followed by another cup of  coffee, and a snack before bed.  

What does true hunger feel like?

I have never been a successful fast-er, although I know it is proven to be great for your health. I think it is best to look at fasting as denying myself what I want for periods of time.

For me that would be a snack and Amazon fast. 

I would probably all that extra weight in a month if I chose to go without the extra bite, extra piece, little tastes and drinks.
Its the same with money. Five bucks a day for a month is $150., 10 bucks a day for month is $300, add and extra $3. and you have just rounded off the little extras a day to $540. a month (coffee, Amazon, extra's as you grocery shop, stuff that ends up in the garage collecting dust)  you could easily be at $600 a month. If you were to put that amount of money in savings for 10 years at a only a 1% earning you would have $80,000., and a size lower in jeans. 

My point isn't to give everything up. That's the kind of thinking that puts us on the diet, budget teeter totter, leaving us feeling confused and defeated. 

My point is to be more aware of  how often we don't think about our choices. 

I won't let bad habits choose my life. 

 I don't want to be fighting the same battles I was 10 years ago. I won't listen to the lie that says I have changed, when I know all I have done is shift my comfort habits.

That whole tortoise and hare story is making a whole lot more sense the older I get. Moving forward in the right direction, is better than not moving at all.
My goal this week is to make choices, to snack-fast and spend-fast for longer periods of time.
I want to choose, notice, be present, and watch those little choices add up to big results over time. 

My ammunition verses: 2 Corinthians 10:5  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself
up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

James 4:1-10 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

4 You adulterous people,[a] don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us[b]? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud
    but shows favor to the humble.”[c]
7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Hope Wirta

Habits/Shame Loops. Lather, Rinse, Repeat

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

A good week is a week where I choose what I know is right.  I know what I need to do, and I do it. I am strong, determined, and self controlled. I get to the end of the week, my weight is down and I have money left over in my spending bucket.

That is a great feeling!!

Then, since I have had such a great week, I feel the need to celebrate. The ensuing celebration then proceeds to negate all the progress made the week before, and maybe add a little damage just for good measure.

Fun is followed by shame. 

I lay awake beating myself up.  

I wake up on Monday and do it all again; lather, rinse, repeat.
In this journey to learn to make choices, renew the way I think, and live in step with the freedom God intended  for me, I have run across a few stumbling blocks, namely; happiness, anxiety, sadness, anger, loneliness, exhaustion and boredom. All of these emotions, and maybe a few I missed, are  the excuses I use to  let impulse habits run my life. Where do I go from here? 

Choices are not impulses, and Emotions are not good advice.

Emotions matter, but they do not tell the truth. The truth sets us free from the bondage of impulsive living. We must stop, think and make a choice. 

Now that I know temptation will be waiting right behind emotional highs and lows, I can anticipate his next move; before I find myself on another sleepless Sunday night wondering  "what just happened?"

You know you're a SpEATer when

You know you're a SpEATer (spender + eater)

When obsessing over dieting and spending becomes more of an addiction than eating and spending; you might be a SPEATER.
When you weigh yourself 4 times a day (after using the restroom, taking off your shoes, or before your morning coffee) and your scale measures ounces instead of pounds, you might be a SPEATER.
If your monthly credit card payments looks more like a mortgage, you might be a SPEATER.
If you have restarted your eating plan every Monday for 15 years, you might be a SPEATER.
If you have never had to cut your fingernails because your teeth will do, you might be a SPEATER

If you lose sleep bathed in shame over each day's choices, you might be a SPEATER.

If you spend most of your check in the first two days after payday you might be a SPEATER.
If you lay awake counting carbs and calories  you might be a SPEATER.

If you have hiding places for Amazon packages, purchases or food, you might be a SPEATER
If you have clothes with tags still on them in your closet, you might be a SPEATER.
If you have crumbs on the front seat of you car, and fast food bags in the back, you might be a SPEATER.
If you wonder where that pizza went, you might be a SPEATER.
If  it is music to your ears when the cashier says "you can save 10% by applying for a card today" you might be a SPEATER.
If you go to the movies and look forward to the popcorn more than the movie, you might be a SPEATER.
If you are thinking about breakfast after dinner, you might be a SPEATER.
Just know....you are not alone, and the Bible promises that His word has all we need for life and Godliness.

He won't leave you where you are.

Philippians 1:6

He WILL finish the work He began in YOU!!

Journal Hoarder

Journal Hoarder

photo by imgkid.com

I love office supplies almost as much as I love chocolate.

There is a certain smell when you walk into a book store or an office supply store that makes me pause and smile.

I don't know if it's paper, ink or the glue that binds books, but there is no smell like it. It move my joy meter from 0 to 100 in seconds.

I feel joy when I open a blank journal or a brand new pen. 

If you were to go to the right shelf in my office you would find a large stack of partially used journals, various shapes and sizes, prints and colors, they are padded, leather, paper back and soft back., some have lined paper, some with blank pages. 

I love them all!

One of my favorite journaling past times

Those blank pages hold unlimited possibilities. What will I fill these pages with? I think of themes, topics, people, lists……It all makes me feel inspired. 

Then there is the perfect pen. People get cranky if you take their favorite pen. They tape flowers to them and place them in coffee cups full of marbles, tie them to the desk and track them down when they go missing. The right pen is hard to find. 

I don't need a journal and I don't need a pen. Why don't I just walk on by? Why do I spend money thinking that one more journal or one more pen is going to meet a need? One more, is a theme in my life. One more bite, one more word, one more journal, none of which I need. 

A line that sticks with me each time I buy or eat something I don't need is; habits only die by being starved to death, one bite at a time. Not only would it help my pocket book and waistline, but the truth is, I want to grow and be content with buying only what I NEED, eating only when I am hungry and speaking only when it benefits others. 

When I FEEL like buying, eating or speaking, I am learning that real joy comes when I obey, walk away and remember, that "feelings matter, but they are not the truth." Feeling lie, and bad habits that promise joy only let me down later.

I choose truth, freedom and real joy! One choice at a time.  

1 Timothy 6:6 But godliness with contentment is great gain.

Ephesians 4:29 Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building up the one in need and bringing grace to those who listen.

Hope Wirta

Freedom or Bust

 

Freedom or Bust

For 20 most of my life I had been in one of two place; feeling guilty or feeling stressed. If I stopped worrying about money and food I felt guilty. If I went on a diet or budget I would stress constantly about doing it right

.

 The scale and checkbook balance became my daily measure of success.

My mind was obsessively going over calories, counting carbs, or assessing my current debt situation. This rabbit hole usually ended with a bowl of ice cream to calm myself down.

There were very few days that I ever felt free of the burden of my habits. I was afraid that I was doomed to failure and a life where I would just be fat and broke forever.
I had seen glimpses of freedom, days when truth would penetrate the influx of information. I had been consuming books on the subject. The good days, but they were far and few between. The draw of the habits was strong, the need for the outside control diets and budgets felt safe. Even if they hadn't worked.
Don't misunderstand me, I am not saying you should eat and spend "willy-nilly". I am saying those "tools" can become just as much a habit as eating and spending. I spent most of my life between binging or dieting, spending or budgeting. I was anything but free.

ONE DAY I HAD FINALLY HAD ENOUGH. In all my years of struggling I was fatter and broker than when I had started. It was time to get off the merry go round.

So I decided that for me it was freedom or bust. I was going to learn to walk one day at a time without the control of a diet. My goal is to make choices one at a time. To CHOOSE, not be compelled, or controlled by my emotions. I don't know where you are on your journey or if you believe in God, but without faith in Him, this would not be possible for me.  Alcoholics Anonymous calls on a higher power when they realize they are helpless to change on their own. I was, and am, there on a daily basis. For me, I am a Christian. As a Christian  I believe I was created; I also believe that my creator knows me and promises that if I walk with His spirit I will not carry out the desires that want to sabotage me.
That is my goal. Choosing to follow and live in freedom versus  being controlled by compulsions or unrealistic restrictive plans that leave me with regret and shame. I choose freedom.