I sat on a comfortable couch, twirling my hair around my right index finger. Across from me sat a slightly overweight, middle aged counselor, with short brown hair. She seemed like a nice person. She listened intently as I complained about my weight and my lack of self control. I don't know what I expected her to say. I guess I wanted her to tell me that it wasn't my fault. I was not responsible.
Once I had finished complaining, she looked directly at me and stated, very simply; your problem is that you don't correlate you actions to your results. You look at the donut in your hand. You put the donut in your mouth, and as your chewing your thinking, "that one bite has nothing to do with my weight". It just one bite after all.
It's just one bite after all.
It felt unimportant, another counselor, another band aide.
I left her office but I left with a small seed stuck in my psyche. All I remember thinking is "she can't have the answer I need if she's overweight too." It didn't occur to me at the time that maybe having the answer was just part of the equation.
That moment was 20 years ago.
That little seed has grown through the years. Little by little it has become a vine, intertwining itself in my thoughts and entangling the small actions that hold my bad habits in place. I find myself thinking; what about the last 10 minutes of my work out?, the last few bites of dinner even after I am already full?, soda or water? listening instead of thinking about what I want to say, not typing Amazon into the search bar.....Each bite, each word, each purchase..... matters. Each choice initiates a change in my thinking. Each choice has the power of change.
When I am tempted to fall back into old mindless patterns I remind myself, often out loud
" nothing changes if nothing changes, I have the power to change". Then I make my choice.
" nothing changes if nothing changes, I have the power to change". Then I make my choice.
Hope Wirta
